


Fuck it up.

by nottannedghost



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Character Death, F/F, F/M, M/M, also pan frank eheh, and im sorry ok, bi sarah bc YAS, brendon is a lil bitch, dallon is one motherfucker but he has his reasons, i swear a lot of things that happen are unplanned and just come to my mind while i'm writing, sorry - Freeform, the brobecks - Freeform, um idk tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-28
Updated: 2015-11-09
Packaged: 2018-04-17 16:13:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 31,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4673102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nottannedghost/pseuds/nottannedghost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brendon never knew how fucked up things could get in the span of a few months. But somehow he is extremely glad about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: Tasteless coffee

**Author's Note:**

> This idea basically came form a Kik conversation with my friends, V&V Brendon and current Dallon, and shit got a lil fucked up. I hope you all enjoy this shit. Also I am very sorry for what's about to happen...

Brendon is sitting in his apartment sipping happily his coffee. This night he has some big show in a local bar and he is sold out for the first time. Which is a great accomplishment for such a young artist as himself. Sarah had gone out early since she had some important photo shooting with a big clothing company, but she promised to assist his show later that night. Suddenly his phone rings and he looks at it and as he recognizes that number he swallows hard, his coffee tasteless. He hasn't seen that number in such a long time and yet he remembers it, he remembers when he still had that name saved on his phone and what had happened the last night that that contact had called Brendon.

 

He stares at his phone's display for a few seconds before deciding to decline the call, after all that boy is in his past. After all that had happened he doesn't want to talk to Ryan. Though this makes him remember another boy whose phone number he has on his phone, he goes to his contacts and scrolls to the letter 'D' and there is the name, _Dallon_. Brendon shakes his head as he locks his phone. No, they are all in the past. 

 

 


	2. Chapter 1: Lies make themselves feel like home in your heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eeeh idk

He swears someone drugged his drink, that is definitely _not_ Dallon Weekes. Or the weed Ryan has given him must have been mixed with something else. Brendon is pretty sure he is hallucinating. He knows Dallon from school, the ever so confident asshole who struts the corridors, with his girlfriend Breezy, and his fellow jocks Tyler, Frank, and Pete. All equally mean. Except maybe Frank since he is openly pansexual. Of course the school welcomed that, saying that now the LGTB+ space was safer. Well, that was obviously bullshit. Brendon and Ryan get just as much shit as ever from Dallon and his people. Even Sarah Orzechowski, who is by far the most beautiful girl in the whole damn city. Sarah was well known in their High School, being pretty, clever, funny, favorite teacher's pet. Just in all, an amazing girl. And even she got shit from Dallon every now and then. She came out as bisexual to Brendon during middle school when they were still dating, he came out shortly after. He didn't even know about bisexuality, but when she told him about it he got curious and after some trying out with other boys he came to the term that he was definitely into boys as well. Shortly after, Sarah and him stopped dating because clearly they were better off as best friends. 

So yeah, that boy on the stage, with his eyes closed, a firm grip on his bass while he sings amazingly, is definitely not Dallon. It just couldn't be. And yet, the dark hair, now sweaty falling in his face, the tall figure (way taller than his two band mates), just looked so much like Dallon. Brendon walks to the bar, he is going to ask who this band is. He was going to hang out with Ryan that night, but after things got weird between them, _again_ , he decided to go out to their favorite rock bar and listen to whatever shitty band was playing. As he fights his way through the drunk and dancing masses he sees Spencer Smith in the corner, he smiles at him shortly. He doesn't know much about the kid, except that he's close with Ryan. 

"Hey! Hey, sorry?" He shouts over the music. The bartender turns around, his eyes are sunk and he looks tired.

"Yeah, what do you want kid?"

"Um, the band playing? What are they called?"  
    
"The Brobecks." He answers annoyed. "Is that all?"

"Yeah. Thanks." Brendon flashes him a grin and turns around, still with his beer in hand, sipping it. He never heard of The Brobecks, they must be a new band. 

He looks at the singer slash bassist again, this time he has his eyes open. They're rimmed with black eyeliner, but Brendon is sure those are the same blue eyes of Dallon Weekes. He's not going to lie, he is curious about this whole thing. If that really is to be Dallon Weekes, then he has the perfect way to blackmail that little shit and have him dancing in the palm of his hand. Of course, anyone else wouldn't care about the popular kid being in a band, normally that was hot. _But_ in this case, it was going to be the ruin of the school's jock. Dallon not only harassed the LGTB+ community but also trash talked the band club and everything related to music. _It isn't a real job_ or _They don't even try hard, it's such bullshit_. 

Brendon smiles brightly while he stares at the singer on stage. He is so going to use it against Dallon tomorrow in school. He has a plan. He is going to wait after the show and then pretend he is one of the fans to try to get into the singers pants, to get a better look at The Brobecks' frontman, to make sure it _is_ actually Dallon. 

 

**~ ~ ~**

 

Dallon swipes the sweat from his forehead with his sleeve as he gently places his bass on the floor. He grins at his bandmates, before he turns to his bag and pulls out a bottle of water. Tonight's show had been awesome, their best so far. They had only played three, but the two other locals they had played at were some really old and dirty bars where most of the crowd had been old men who judged them at every lyric they sung. It had been risky to play at this bar though, it was well known in his school. That's why he had put on make up. Just in case. Even if tomorrow is a Monday and probably no one in high school goes out this late at night, he couldn't risk his reputation. He is the popular boy who owns school, who has some stupid guys follow him around and a hot girlfriend. He is basically the cliché, and he knows this. He hates it sometimes, but it is so much better than being some outsider. 

His bandmates gesture him to follow them outside in the back alley, most of the times some fans waited there to greet them and maybe hook up with them. He has to admit the thought is thrilling, but he always thinks of Breezy. It is, after all, his last high school year and he doesn't want any drama. So he declines all girls who throw themselves at him, sometimes even he has to decline boys, which is weird for him. He never thought he was appealing to guys. He has no idea if it makes him feel sick or excited. He hope the first, because if the thought of guys hitting on him makes him excited then he really has a problem. 

"So Dallon, are you gonna reject all your fans tonight again?" Matt asks him with a grin, Dallon just shrugs. 

Scott opens the doors and there are actually a lot of people waiting, they all turn around and smile at them. Some girls squeal, some boys whistle. Dallon puts on his most charming smile and starts to talk to some of the people. He feels great, because for once people like him for his music, for something he made, not because he is popular in school. Finally people like him for his talent. 

He doesn't know how much time passes as suddenly a boy with a white shirt, black skinny jeans, and a red bow tie approaches him. The guy wears black rimmed glasses, his brown hair is falling in his face. He has a shit eating grin on and offers his hand to Dallon to shake it. But all Dallon can do is stare and curse under his breath. 

"God damn it, Urie." 

"Yeah, great to see you too, Deekes."

"It's Weekes, you asshole."

"Oh really, sorry." He cocks his head. "Your performance was… _great_." He adds with another grin, and Dallon really wants to murder him right there. This is so bad, he shouldn't have performed there. He shouldn't have gone outside to meet fans. He was so fucked. Brendon Urie is known for being a little manipulative shit. 

"What do you want from me?"

"Oh, you'll see, Deekes. You'll see." Brendon says before turning around and skipping away. 

"God damn it." Dallon repeats, feeling sick.

 

**~ ~ ~**

 

"Wait, what?!" Sarah's blue eyes widen in shock and amusement. "You mean to tell me that, Music-is-trash-Dallon-James-Weekes, the popular dude that walks these halls as if he were the king of the whole God damn universe. The same guy that bullies Gerard Way and his kid brother for being in the school band. That harasses Ryan on a daily basis. _That_ Dallon Weekes, has a band called The Brobecks. That he plays the bass and sings." She concludes, squinting at Brendon. 

"Are you sure Ryan's weed wasn't too hard for you or something?" She adds with a laugh, but interest clear on her face. "I don't believe this. I can't. Sorry, I need prove."

"Alright." Brendon just says and looks around the corridor, lockers on each side of it, students slowly entering the school's building, retreating their books for their classes. He spots Dallon, leaning against the locker, frowning at his phone. Frank is next to him, staring off in the distance. Brendon grins at Sarah and motions her to follow him. She just raises her perfect eyebrows at him and nods. 

He walks up to Dallon, who is still looking at his phone. Frank though notices him but doesn't say anything. He just turns to look into the distance again, which now that Brendon can see is actually Gerard Way. 

"Wallon Deekes, my man." Sarah snorts at the offensive nickname. Dallon raises his blue eyes, slowly. His lips a thin line. His whole face a mask of disgust.

"What the fuck do you want, Urie?" 

"Oh, don't be so mean. See, my friend here just can't believe that you actually perform in a band. The Brobecks. And I just came here to confirm that." He grins brightly as Dallon looks around scared. Frank gives them a funny look and shakes his head.

"Hey so, I'm gonna' go over there and talk about the school's newspaper with Gerard. He still hasn't submitted his comic. See you later." Frank walks away, over to the Way brothers and Gerard immediately smiles at him and they start talking. Mikey just shakes his head and walks off with his girlfriend, Kristin, hand in hand, looking lovingly at each other.

"Listen, Brendon, don't fucking talk about last night here. Like ever." Dallon whispers rapidly, looking around as if anytime someone could jump in, discovering his _oh so big and awful secret._

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. See Sarah, told you so."

"Amazing." She simply states, shaking her head. 

"Can we talk, like in private?" Dallon asks, again in a whisper. Sarah eyes them curiously but doesn't say anything, she just turns around and walks away to her class, turning around every now and then to shoot Brendon questioning looks.

"Let's go." Dallon grabs Brendon's arm to drag him into one of the numerous empty classrooms. It is still early, they have around thirty minutes before classes start. The taller boy pushes the smaller one into the room and closes the door, his face is still contorted in disgust, but his eyes show fear. "So spill, what do you want?" 

"Me? Nothing, why would you think that _I_ would want something out of _you_ , of all people?" Brendon shrugs innocently, looking around the classroom, his eyes huge. But of course Dallon knows that was faked innocence, he knows that the smaller boy has some kind of fucked up plan. He just knows.

"Seriously, what the fuck, Urie. I swear to God, if you pull some weird shit on me-"

"Chill, Dallon. Do you really think that you're so important that I would even care about your activities outside of school?" He raises his eyebrows at the tall boy and laughs. "Please." He turns around to leave the classroom, a smirk on his face.

He is so going to ruin Dallon Weekes. 

 

**~ ~ ~**

 

Dallon isn't even sure _what_ he thought he was going to accomplish by dragging Urie into the classroom. Maybe scare him? Fight him? Throw some hurtful slurs at him? He doesn't know, they never work with Urie. The boy thinks he is over everyone else in the school, even when obviously the most popular guy is Dallon himself, yet Brendon Urie seems unfazed by it all.  

He kicks the nearest chair and storms out of the classroom, cursing under his breath. He needs to know what this Urie kid's deal is. 

That morning he had been anxious and nervous to go to school, he was so sure that Brendon was going to tell everyone. That he had proof, maybe a video or a picture or something. But everything is just as always. Frank, Peter, and Tyler walk behind him, joking around and talking loudly. Breezy is by his side talking about some party that Jenna Black, Tyler's girlfriend, is throwing. But Dallon doesn't listen, he just can't shake off the feeling that something is about to go really wrong. He just knows it, the way Brendon had smiled at him, that knowing smirk, the faked innocence...  

As he enters his classroom he is still deeply in thought and he doesn't quite notice where he is going until he bumps into some kid. He looks up and apologizes quickly. Then he groans because he hates this class and he hates the teacher. At least he shares Maths with Breezy and Tyler, but unfortunately also with Ryan Ross and Sarah Orzechowski, two of Brendon's closest friends. He thinks, maybe he should sit close to them, get them to talk. He puts on a bright smile as he sits next to Ryan, who eyes him warily. Tyler curses under his breath as he takes the seat next to Dallon, he gives him an annoyed look. Breezy smiles at Sarah and immediately engages a conversation with her. After all Orzechowski is quite known around their city, she is a part time model, and pretty much every boy (and some girls) have a crush on her. 

"So, Ryan, right?" Dallon asks, the smaller boy just nods. "You… you and Brendon, huh?"

"What?" Ryan sputters, confused.

"Aren't you two like fucking or something?"  
    
"No! No, we are not." 

"Oh, really? But you'd like to, wouldn't you?" He smirks as Ryan turns red. "What can you tell me about Brendon?"

"What the fuck, Dallon." Tyler says loud, getting Sarah's attention, she notices of course how flustered Ryan is and gives Dallon a glare.

"Leave him alone, Weekes." She says sharply, but then she smirks. "You know what Brendon could do, don't you? So leave us alone." She turns around to continue talking to Breezy, he catches something about a party and costumes. Dallon sighs and turns his head around to look at the front of the class, where the teacher is supposed to be but he hasn't arrived yet. Hopefully he doesn't come.

"Dude, what the fuck." Tyler repeats his previous statement, he sounds equally curious and annoyed.

"Never mind. Doesn't matter."

"Okay, whatever you say."

At some point the teacher does arrive, but Dallon doesn't really pay attention this time. He thinks about his band and about the song he is writing. So far they only ever played covers, but he really wants to start playing his own songs. He feels like he could do it, break through with his band once he is done with high school. On the other hand, his thoughts drift off to Brendon and he is clueless as to what to do about him. He really hates him. With his stupid red bow ties and white plain shirts, those huge glasses, the perfectly styled hair… And specially does he hate that smirk he always seems to wear, as if he owns the fucking world, as if he is somehow superior to everyone else. Dallon really hates him. Some weird, fucked up part of him wishes he could make him lose his cool, like Ryan gets flustered whenever he is close to Brendon. He knows it is so wrong, he feels weird around guys sometimes, it makes him think things he isn't supposed to think. So yeah, make Brendon Urie flustered around him will be so uncomfortable,he really hopes he comes out winning.

The day finishes without his enemy coming over to him again, which if he is honest scares him a bit, all he got were smirks and small waves from Brendon, which earned him weird looks from his fellows. He brushed it off by saying that the brown eyed boy probably has a big gay crush on him and everyone laughs at that telling Dallon that it is really disgusting, he just shrugs. 

As soon as he is home, he gets his bass from his basement and tries out some new melody that he had in his mind all day long and hums to it, but his mind is empty. Sometimes it is way easier to get lyrics but right now he has no idea what to write, his mind is just an empty buzzing sound. He likes it right now, though, he prefers the emptiness over the anxiety that has been crippling inside of him since last night after the encounter with his enemy, the fear that has been inside of him ever since he once felt turned on by a guy, the stress over what to do after high school. He knows that he wants to try the whole band thing out, but if it fails, he has no idea what his second plan is. His parents don't approve of it, so he keeps it a secret from them and from his school mates, it's too dangerous, but he really enjoys it. At least his two band mates, Scott and Matt are already in college and they really like him and want to keep the whole band thing up. Dallon really likes them, they're funny and really know about music.

He drops his bass as he runs out of ideas and groans, every bad thought coming back to him. He dreads tomorrow, he dreads the whole week actually. He doesn't know what Brendon is going to do. Fuck. He thinks way to much about this guy and he needs to do something about it.

 

**~ ~ ~**

 

The week is almost over and yet Dallon isn't any closer to solving his problem, Brendon hasn't done anything so far. He keeps sending him shit eating grins and every now and then he comes over to greet him and tell him how great Dallon's ass looks in those skinny jeans, which every time makes him curse and Pete and Tyler give him weird looks. Nothing is working and he is desperate to destroy that small fucker, he just doesn't know how. Instead of making Brendon flustered it is the other way around and he hates it so much. He isn't supposed to feel flattered by a guy's compliment, he just shouldn't and yet there he is every time feeling weirdly proud.

"Dallon!" Of course this morning too, Brendon comes over, Sarah behind him with a huge grin on her face. At least this time none of his classmates are near to ask him about why suddenly Urie seems to be so friendly. "Hey man, guess what? Jenna Black just invited us to her party tomorrow. Isn't that great. We'll see each other. I heard it's a costume party, I love those. I can wear as less clothes as possible without people complaining." 

"I know right, Bren?" Sarah chimes in, still smiling brightly.

"Yeah, great. I fucking hate you Urie. Please fuck off." Dallon simply says before walking away to his class.

"Aw, what is it? Did you get up with the wrong foot today?" Brendon walks next to him.

"Why are you following me?"

"Ah but don't you remember, we share this class. Also, these jeans suit you great." He says leaning a bit back to glance at Dallon's ass.  
    
"Thanks. I mean, uh…" Fuck, he is so fucked. "I know." Brendon laughs and walks inside the classroom sitting together with Sarah at the back, where usually Dallon sits. Fuck again. "Sit somewhere else."

"Nah, I quite like this place. Why don't you sit right next to me?" The shorter boy offers. "We're buddies now, aren't we?" 

"Never." He says but sits next to his enemy. He stretches and puts his books on his desk. "Ugh." He mumbles before he drifts off, paying zero attention to the two people sitting next to him. At least none of his friends share this class with him. Yet all his other classmates give him funny looks, he just ignores them. Only a few months and he doesn't have to see anyone of these people anymore. 

"Dude you're drooling. I know I'm good looking and all that, but please stop. It's disgusting." Brendon interrupts his peaceful day dreaming, he shoots him a glare but doesn't say anything. He is so done with the guy. With everything if he is honest. Almost at the end of the class he gets a text from Breezy, something about how much she loves him but he is too tired to text back. He just wants this week to be over, he doesn't even feel like partying. He just wants to be home and come up with some lyrics to the melody he has been creating the last days. 

 

**~ ~ ~**

 

"Do I look great or great?" Brendon asks, eyeing himself in the mirror. He looks great, as always. Sarah is behind him wearing really tight leather trousers and a black blouse, her dark blond hair is tied up in a ponytail and on top of her head is a police hat. She looks hot Brendon has to admit. Ryan is somewhere in his room still trying to put on those really skinny jeans, which look good. Ryan is going as a Beatle in a really tight suit, of course. Brendon himself is way more original: he wears his favorite ripped black jeans, a red bow tie around his neck and his suspenders. His chest is covered in fake blood. He likes to call it dead, hot, gay, stripper. But of course Sarah tells him that _thirsty_ and _desperate_ are far more accurate. 

"Yeah, you look good, Brendon. Can we go now. We're already two hours late." Sarah complains and turns around to leave the bathroom. Brendon follows her. Ryan is in his room trying to put on his tie but he doesn't quite get it right. 

"Here let me help." Brendon offers and get's into Ryan's personal space, of course he notices how Ryan goes still, how he swallows slowly, he also notices that his friend licks his lips. He notices all of it, but pretends he doesn't see, it is better that way. He can't help but enjoy the fact that Ryan is crushing hard on him and that he makes him feel so desperate. Brendon knows that it is mean and wrong but he doesn't care. "All done." He smiles up at his friend, who just stares at his lips. Sarah coughs loudly behind them. "Yeah, yeah, I know." Brendon scoffs and turns around to face his best friend, she gives him a disapproving look but he just shrugs. "Let's go!" 

All three of them leave Brendon's house and get into Sarah's car, she puts on the radio and immediately all three friends start talking and singing and laughing. Brendon is going to miss these time. He loves Sarah and Ryan and he couldn't imagine better friends, he hopes that once he is done with high school he gets to keep them. His ideal dream would be living in Chicago together with them in some shitty apartment while he plays music in some old bars and earns money. Of course Ryan would be at college majoring in English Literature, and Sarah would become the new, famous model that takes over the world in one night. He knows it's quite childish to have these kinda dreams at 17 but he can't help himself, they keep him going, they make him want to give his everything. Sarah and Ryan make him want to stay alive, he knows he could have a great future with them. 

"You know guys, I really love you." He says simply and turns the radio louder to sing to Bon Jovi. Bot of his friends give him weird looks but soon they smile gently at him. 

After twenty minutes of Brendon singing obnoxiously vivid to every song on the radio they arrive at Jenna's house, from outside they hear loud music. There are quite a lot of cars parked in front of the Black's house, some teenagers are in the front garden, puking or making out. Just like the God damn teenager cliche. They grin at each other as they make their way to the front door, Brendon reaches to ring the doorbell. They don't wait much until Tyler Joseph opens the door, a glass of beer in his hand. It takes him a moment to focus on them, when does he looks confused.

"What the fuck." He only says. "What the fuck are _you_ doing here?" He adds looking them up and down, his brows furrowed. He wears a cowboy costume which suits him pretty well, from behind him appears Jenna, dressed in a short white dress and white wings from her back. It makes her hair look more blond and her eyes seem even bluer if possible. She smiles at them hugely and hugs Sarah tightly.

"You finally came!" She turns around to her boyfriend. "Tyler, sweetie, let them in. I invited them."  
    
"But they're-"

"Tyler!" She looks mad now. "We talked about this, for fuck's sake." She whispers loudly, the three friends at the door exchange glances but keep their mouth shut. "I am really sorry. Despite my boyfriend's point of view, this is my house and you're welcome here. I like you guys." She looks apologetic at first but the she smiles again and pushes Tyler away and lets them in, they thank her and she takes the to the kitchen. Jenna immediately gets them three beer bottles and tells them to join the dance floor, which they do. 

Brendon dances with his friends, as always, he swings to the music, MC Hammer's Can't Touch This, and Ryan eyes him getting closer with every beat. Somehow Sarah ends up dancing with Breezy, Dallon's girlfriend and they look great, probably the two best of this mess of drunk teenagers. He rolls his eyes as Ryan puts his hands on his waist and swings him hips agains Brendon's, but this time he won't reject his friend, instead he smirks and dances with him. Ryan's cheeks turn slightly red but he grins back, at least someone is enjoying this to the full. As the song finishes, Brendon detaches himself from Ryan, who looks annoyed but doesn't say anything, he motions to his two friends that he is going for another bier and stumbles into the kitchen. Dallon is there, looking pretty drunk already and yet he goes for another drink, he looks at Brendon shortly, not really recognizing him and walking away. 

After drinking a few cups of some reddish liquid that tastes like cherry mixed with vodka and talking to some random people from his school that he won't even remember the names of, Ryan enters the kitchen, stumbling over his feet. He looks at Brendon with a huge smile and gets closer, they look at each other for a while, neither moving. Ryan glances at the other boy's lips a few times before leaning in slightly but Brendon catches himself and turns his head. He doesn't have time for this, he knows how hurt his friend will be after this but sooner or later he'll get over it.

" _Why_?" Ryan whines, not taking his eyes away from his friend's lips. 

"You know why." Brendon replies annoyed, they've had this conversation a lot of times and yet Ryan seems to try again and again.

"Yes but we're drunk, we won't even remember it. Come on, Bren."

"No. I don't want to hurt you." 

"Ugh." Ryan turns around and walks away furiously, but Brendon didn't miss the hurt in his eyes. 

"Ugh indeed." He says to himself before chugging another cup of that disgusting drink. 

 

**~ ~ ~**

 

All Dallon wants to do was throw up, he is in the bathroom, head hanging over the toilette trying to puke but it doesn't work and he hates everything. After another long minutes he decides to give up and stumbles outside, almost bumping into some guy and _wow he has really nice abs_. That's when Dallon realizes he is far too drunk, he needs it though, it makes him forget about everything or at least it makes everything numb and he feels like he could do anything he wants and it's okay, because he is drunk and not thinking straight. In this case literally, he is _not thinking straight_ while he looks at the short boy standing in front of him, his chest bare, the fake blood on it mixed with sweat. Dallon has a hard time to focus and not only because he is drunk, he feels this burning sensation in his stomach and he doesn't really mind it right now. Normally he'd hate it and feel guilty but right now he isn't going to fight it. He doesn't even know who he is staring at, he just knows he wants to run his hand over this guy's chest so he does. The skin is hot and wet and smooth.

"Uh…" The person in front of him is breathing harshly but doesn't really move, just stands still as Dallon moves is hand. "Uh…" The boy repeats more insistently, clearing his throat. With an annoyed _tsk_ Dallon looks up and narrows his eyes trying to focus, as he does so his hand freezes. Shit. Fuck. No. 

"Urie." 

"Weekes." Brendon answers and they stare at each other, both probably equally drunk as they awkwardly swing slightly. Both their faces red covered in sweat, but none of them move. "Well, this is awkward." Dallon silently agrees but doesn't really move his hand. He always knew that Brendon was good looking. Objectively seen. He knows how guys and girls throw themselves at him, and he knows how he himself has looked at his ass in those tight jeans a few times too much. But Dallon never admitted this to himself, he just couldn't, but right now he is drunk so he can easily admit this. Brendon Urie is hot. Fuck. 

"Why the fuck are you here?" Dallon asks because why is Urie here, who the fuck invited him?

"Um… Jenna invited Sarah and said she could bring friends. So here I am." The boy replies and yes that makes sense. Jenna is always one to make friends with the most unexpected people. They stand there awkwardly for few more seconds. "So, are you going to remove your hand or…?" 

"Oh." Dallon looks down at Brendon's chest again and he forgets everything around him, instead of removing his hand he lowers it to the waist and puts his other hand there too, then he looks up again into the shorter boy's eyes and leans in slightly. Brendon stares at him surprised before lowering his gaze to Dallon's lips and _wow this is really hot_ , he thinks. 

"Brendon, where the fuck are y-" Comes a girls voice somewhere form their left, it is cut off by a loud gasp and someone saying _Damn_ out loud. Dallon doesn't really care he just leans in further but he stumbles forward as Brendon steps aside, laughing. "Uh. Brendon, we need to go." Comes the girl's voice again, she sounds confused, just as Dallon feels.

"Yeah, yeah, let's go. This was getting weird anyway." Brendon says and pats the tall boy on the back one more time. "See you on Monday, Dally." He smirks at him before wandering off with Sarah and Ryan, the latter looking slightly pissed off.

"What." Dallon whispers to himself. He is so confused at what just happened, he was about to kiss Brendon Urie. _Why?_ He needs to go home and sleep before he makes even weirder decisions.

Of course Breezy takes him home, as the good girlfriend she is. She asks him to where he disappeared off to, he shrugs and tells her he had drunk too much and went to throw up in the bathrooms, which wasn't a lie but it wasn't the whole truth either. She doesn't ask anymore questions until they arrive at his front door.

"Won't you give me a good night's kiss?" Breezy asks with a shy smile and Dallon does as she asks, mumbling a weak ' _Night_ ' before stumbling out of her car and walking to his door. He has no clue what time it is, but his parents don't really care if he stays out late or not, as long as he always comes home. 

He stumbles inside his house and kicks his shoes off in the entrance corridor before walking slowly up the stairs, his hand on the wall looking for support. When he is finally in his bedroom he crashes on his bed, not caring for his clothes and goes to sleep. He has wild dreams, full of vivid images.

He wakes up late the next day, his head pounding and his bones hurting. His mind is empty, he has no clue what happened last night, he has some flashes, like a broken story. If he is honest, he doesn't even want to remember. He decides to go back to sleep and not care for the world for a few more hours. This time his dreams are of soft, full lips, soft, plain chests, brown, intense eyes. He wakes up better than before but really confused. He doesn't know how to feel about last night, he only has flashes, but somehow there's this one memory that he isn't quite sure how to place it. He remembers someone with a blood covered chest and it makes him feel weird. 

He grabs his phone to check the time, it's late in the afternoon, and he sees that he has one text. He frowns as he sees that it is an unknown number. Should he open it? After pondering about it for a while he thinks, fuck it, and opens it. It's only a picture and as soon as he sees it he really wishes he hadn't opened the text. He also wishes that he had never gone to the party. It is a bad quality picture of two boys standing really close, one of them really tall and in a Jedi costume, the other one is way shorter, wearing black skinny jeans, suspenders and a red bow tie. Even if it is blurry Dallon knows who these boys are and he curses loudly, throwing his phone away. Who the fuck took the picture and why the fuck was the other boy Brendon Urie of all the people there where at the party?

"Fuck." _Fuck fuck fuck fuck_. He dreads Monday. "Fuck." He repeats and heads to his bathroom to take a shower and clear his head. 

 

 


	3. Chapter 2: Stress is keeping them from falling apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mmhmm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shit's about to go down ok

Sarah is throwing small pieces of paper in Brendon's face but he isn't moving, still snoring peacefully, a soft smile on his face. She rolls her eyes and flips his nose, he grunts and opens his eyes confused.

"What the fuck." He whispers, his voice hoarse. "What the fuck." He repeats after seeing Sarah with a huge grin on her face. 

"I am hungry."

"Ugh." He slowly gets up, his head only spinning slightly, he doesn't feel sick though, which is probably because he took a shower after he got home and drank a whole bottle of water. Sarah gets up from his bed, she is only wearing an old shirt from Brendon, he envies her for never having hangovers and looking perfect even after a long night out. She kicks his foot, rushing him to get up and he groans. "Yeah, yeah." He blinks a few times to adjust his eyes. 

The two friends get into the kitchen, where Mrs Urie is sitting, reading a newspaper and drinking a cup of coffee, she eyes them for a short moment, smiling to herself.

"Long night, huh?" She asks and they nod. "Well, I'm going out in like ten minutes to meet up with some friends, you guys take this day slow, hm."

"Yeah." Brendon smiles at her before making himself some coffee, Sarah goes to the fridge and grabs some milk and eggs. "Oh my God, yes please, your eggs are heaven."

"I know." Sarah laughs.   
  
Mrs Urie finishes her cup of coffee and leaves the newspaper on the table, she goes over to the sink and places her cup carefully in it. She looks at the two friends with a fond smile. Sarah is cheerfully humming to herself while she cooks the eggs while Brendon is sitting on a chair next to the girl smiling happily while sipping his coffee.

"Well, kids I'll be going then." She says and they both turn around to her.

"Okay, mom. See you later. Have fun!"

"Mrs Urie you look great in that dress." Sarah smiles and gives her the thumps up.

"Don't do anything weird while I'm gone." She laughs before hugging them and then leaving, she is glad that they both have each other. It is rare to see such a strong friendship between two exes, but she is glad that they kept their friendship.

As soon as Mrs Urie is gone, Sarah keeps cooking the eggs, giving Brendon glances every now and then, so far he hasn't said anything about last night and she isn't sure if it is because he doesn't really remember or if he is trying to oppress what happened between him and Dallon. She has to admit it was weird, well for Brendon not, he takes every possibility to flirt with people, but she was surprised to see the taller boy lean in for a kiss with another boy, and specially with Brendon. They hate each other's guts. She knows how Dallon always bullies the LGTB+ community, using slurs and laughing about them. She hates him for it but last night had been a surprise and she doesn't want to let that pass so easily. 

"Hey, Brendon." She starts carefully, her friend looks up at her with a smile. "Do you, um, perhaps remember what happened last night?"

"Uh, not really. I only know that Ryan and I danced and after I went to get another drink he followed me and wanted to make out but I rejected him, for obvious reasons." Brendon replies deep in thought. "Yeah, that's all I remember, and even that is really blurry. Why?"

"Well you kinda disappeared and I was getting bored so I looked for Ryan and I found him crying outside." Brendon makes a face. "After that we went to search for you and um…"

"And what?" He asks curious.

"You were with Dallon. And it seemed that, uh…" She stops, unsure. How would Brendon take it? "Bren, he tried to kiss you."

"Really?!" Brendon chokes on his coffee and snorts. He looks at her squinting his eyes. "Really." He repeats.

"Yes. He was really drunk though, but yes." 

"Holy shit."

"I know."

"What the fuck."

"I know." She laughs, Brendon puts his cup down on the kitchen counter and looks really surprised but he also has that scheming look on his face.

"That is so awesome, Sarah. Do you know what that means? This is good news. Another thing to blackmail that fucker." He grins madly, his brain working fast while trying to come up with great ideas how to embarrass Dallon Weekes even further.

"Brendon." Sarah says softly and he looks up to her. "Whatever it is what you plan to do, remember that we don't out people. You know how awful that is."

"I know." He says, his face serious. He remembers how someone outed Ryan and it had been awful, he hadn't come to school for a whole week. "I don't plan to out him, but I am so going to make that asshole fall for me or something."

"Oh my God, I'm betting twenty dollars that you don't make it." 

"I feel like I am in some stupid cliche movie, but whatever. You got yourself a bet, Orzechowski!" They shake hands, both grinning, their eyes twinkling. "But you're still helping me with this, right? Make Wallon Deekes the least popular guy in school?"

"Of course." Sarah grins.

After the breakfast the two friends end up doing a movie marathon and ordering pizza, just their usual activity whenever they spend time together. Brendon was going to miss this, the easiness he has with Sarah, always talking about something whether it was deep or not, and if there was a silence it was never uncomfortable. He loves her so much and he truly wishes that after high school they get to live in an apartment together. At some point they don't even pay attention to the movie anymore, they just talk about the future and what they want to do. Brendon isn't even embarrassed to admit that he wants to have a music career, normally people laugh at that, but Sarah get's him, and he is so glad about it. He doesn't think anyone else will ever get him as much as she does and he is okay with it, they're like soul mates but in a platonic way. He is close with Ryan too but it just isn't the same, never will ever compare to Sarah, she is just too great. 

 

**~ ~ ~**

 

He is sitting in his car in the parking lot, he is so scared to enter the school's building, he's never been so scared before in his life. He avoided his friends and Breezy the whole weekend, he was just writing lyrics and doing homework, trying to clear his mind. After seeing that photo he remembered Friday night and he remembered how good Brendon had looked and that he wanted to kiss him. He really hopes Urie doesn't remember shit, he is so screwed if he does. He hits head a few times on his wheel telling himself that he is going to be okay but of course it does't work because he isn't okay at all. He grits his teeth, his hands shaking slightly. _Shit_. In that moment someone knocks on his window and he jumps up, cursing loudly. He looks to his left and sees Urie with Sarah, both wave at him with sickly sweet smiles on their faces. 

He rolls his window down. "What do you want?" 

"Well I just couldn't oversee you sitting in your car so I decided to come by and say hi." Brendon answers and winks, Dallon swallows hard. He remembers how he had put his hands on the shorter boy's waist, how he had looked at those full lips. He tries not to blush and avoids looking into Urie's brown eyes.

"Okay." He just replies and opens his door to get out of his car, locking it and walking to the building, of course both friends follow him, they're chatting happily. Oh how he hates them. Once he inside school he sees Breezy standing by his locker, she looks annoyed. Great. "Hi sweetie." He says once he reaches her, she looks at him incredulously.

"Hi sweetie." She mocks him, then she looks at the two people behind Dallon and frowns slightly but doesn't say anything. "We need to talk Dallon." He just sighs and nods. Suddenly she smiles. "Hey Sarah. How are you?" 

"Hey Breezy, I'm doing good, thanks. Your costume was awesome! But you already know that." The two girls start talking animatedly and Breezy completely ignores him. Fucking great.

"So Dallon, remember anything form the party?" Brendon asks smugly.

"No." He replies way to fast and blushes madly, the other boy raises his eyebrows.

"Really? What a shame." 

"I hate you." Dallon simply states before walking off to class. So Brendon remembers. What a great day today is. Thankfully the next class is english literature which he doesn't share with anyone he knows, oh but he does, as soon as he steps to the class he sees the Ross kid standing there, eyeing him annoyed. He ignores him and walks inside but of course he is followed and Ryan sits next to him. Dallon pretends he doesn't see him and gets his notebook out. 

The teacher arrives on time and starts the class but Dallon scribbles some lyrics down, his head is full of words ever since Friday night. So much has happened in one night and it makes him think a lot about himself.  

 _And you've got your little girlfriends, so here we go again. See I don't ever care to know, the parts of you, you never show, you think a liar like yourself, could go and bother someone else._ He looks down and shakes his head, he tries again and writes through his whole class. But he doesn't feel quite satisfied, somehow nothing he write truly reflects how he feels inside. It's so early in the morning and he is already fed up with Monday, like always. 

"Weekes, hey, wait!" Ross shouts at him while they're leaving the classroom, he groans and turns around to face the shorter boy. 

"What do you want?" He asks and he has a feeling that he is asking that way too much lately, then again everything has changed so much for him since last Sunday.

"Whatever it was that happened on Friday, stay the fuck away from Brendon." 

Of course that's what Ross wants to talk about and Dallon really wants to tell him to fuck off and not bother him ever again, that he was really drunk on the party and wasn't thinking straight and that he doesn't even like boys and that he hates Urie with all his guts and that he just wants him an his clique to leave him alone. But of course his brain stops working and he just stares at Ryan for a few seconds before smirking.

"I think Urie can choose for himself who he wants to hook up with and that certainly isn't you, now is it?" 

"What?" Ryan looks surprised and Dallon feels the same. Why did he say that? What is wrong with him? 

"You heard me." He walks away to his next class, as soon as he gets there he sees Tyler and Pete chatting loudly and he sits next to them.

They glance at him and he just knows what's about to come.

"Dude, what the fuck happened to you this weekend?" Pete asks.

Dallon just shrugs and lies. "I had an awful hangover, sorry." Both of his friends laugh at that.

"Yeah man, you drank so much". Tyler says. "Breezy is so mad at you."

"I know. She told me to talk to her later." Dallon just says, not really caring, he has more important things. He texted her a few _sorry's_ Sunday night but she didn't reply to any of them. He has been considering for a while now to break up with her, it was too much stress to keep a girlfriend who he had to avoid most of the time because his band was more important to him. He is already lying to his parents and to his few friends, the whole thing with Breezy is just really stressful and he doesn't even feel that he likes her anymore. They started dating three years ago, being young and thinking that a small crush was enough to date and lose their virginity to each other, but now things have changed. He thinks he knows that Breezy feels the same. Of course none of them wants to be the ass to say a thing, but Dallon is really fed up so he just might cut it off. He tried to avoid drama this school year but on the other hand being with Breezy is exhausting him. 

It's lunch time when Breezy comes over to him and gesture him to follow her, so he does, and he knows what's about to come and he has his mind set. He is going to end this relationship, he knows she won't take it badly. There is screaming of course, of both parts, there is tears and laughter. And in the end there is agreement and a hug.

Dallon also confesses to her about his confused sexuality and it feels good to admit it, she just smiles sadly at him.

 

**~ ~ ~**

 

It is lunch time and he can't wait to sit down and eat some shitty cafeteria food, normally he and Sarah would sit with Ryan, Gerard, Mikey, and Kristin, but today he has a different plan. He eyes the table where Weekes usually sits with his friends and he feel disappointed when he doesn't see the tall boy with his girlfriend. His smile returns though as he remembers how flustered Dallon had been that morning, he so does remember what happened at the party and Brendon is so going to mess with that. 

Reluctantly he sits with his usual friends, he greets them and smiles to himself as he sees Frank and Gerard sitting together giggling happily, lately the two have been really close.

"Hey Bren, could we talk later?" Ryan asks him quietly and he nods, he hopes Ryan doesn't bring up again what happened at the party between them.

"So, have you heard, Dallon and Breezy just broke up?" Kristin says out of the blue, sipping her coke, and everyone spins to look at her, surprised. Brendon almost chokes on his food, _what?_ "Yeah, they had apparently some trouble for a while and just now they broke it off, from both parts. Look there they come!" 

She points out the two exes, who both look tired but are talking with each other as if nothing. Brendon catches Dallon's eyes, but the taller one looks away quickly and walks to an empty table which earns him a weird look by his friends, Breezy walks off to some other table with some girls. The tension is thick in the air. Sarah immediately stands up to go over to Breezy and they hug, Brendon looks at Dallon again and bites his lip. _What was going on?_ He was supposed to ruin Weekes and there he was doing it all by himself. 

"What the fuck." He mutters to himself but Ryan hears him and gives him a look of annoyance. 

"I know right?" Kristin says, shaking her head. "They were such a cute couple. Well okay, Dallon is weird and mean but still…" She looks at Mikey who just shrugs and continues to eat his food. 

Brendon looks at his untouched meal while he ponders of his whole plan to bring Weekes down, his first step was to make him break up with his girlfriend and make him a loner, then humiliate him in front of the school. But apparently step one and two were already done and Brendon had nothing to do with it. Which bothers him of course but he also feels slightly bad. Dallon has red eyes and he looks really pale. Before he knows what he is doing he walks over to the other boy's table and sits down.

"I'm not in the fucking mood so please walk away." The taller one says, frowning.

"I just came to say I'm sorry." The shorter one replies.

"Oh really? Wow, I'm impressed." He fakes shock and goes back to look at his table. "It isn't as if it is your fault that we broke up." He suddenly says, eyes cast on Brendon's lip. 

"Yeah well, um…" He replies intelligently, biting his cheek from the inside, not daring to look at the other boy. What is going on with him? What is going on with Dallon? 

If he is honest he really prefers for time to go back a month where him and Dallon were enemies, not this weird thing where the air is full of tension. 

 

 


	4. Chapter  3: Heat is making them blind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eheheheehehehe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ur welcome
> 
> it's shorter than the others bc it is a in between chapter ok thank enjoy

People look at him with huge eyes, whispering and coming up with rumors. Dallon ignores them all. He is going to focus on himself and care for no one else. He had a long, sleepless night, staring at his ceiling, wondering and questioning. The next morning he woke up restless, he must have fallen asleep at some point, he doesn't remember though. But that morning he walks into school with some old skinny jeans and a band shirt that he had hidden somewhere in the back of his closet. Of course every student notices the slight change in clothes and attitude, and of course they talk about it. 

He refuses to admit that he is attracted to Brendon, while being drunk it's another thing but not sober, no he just can't. Last week he just broke up with Breezy and now he can't stop looking the boy who hunts his dreams. Those full lips smirking at him, the brown eyes twinkling in the darkness. Mocking him and seducing him. Nevertheless, Dallon feels comfortable as he walks over to Brendon Urie, who eyes him surprised. He smiles and leans against the short boy's locker. 

"Sup'." He looks Brendon in the eyes, smirking to himself, he loves making the other boy speechless.

"Uh, um." Brendon stutters and bites his lips. "What a… change, huh." He points out.  
    
Dallon looks at his clothes with a shrug. "I was tired of pretending something I'm really not. You know, like the damn cliche I am."

"Uh huh." Urie replies, looking him up and down, and for once Dallon can tell the shorter boy is unsure around him. He shifts his shoulder and looks around, Pete and Tyler are sending him confused looks but not coming over, which means they really don't care about him. It's good though, he doesn't care about them either.

"Bren, Dallon, hi." Sarah Orzechowski comes over and flashes an unsure smile at him, he doesn't miss the questioning look she gives Brendon, who just shrugs helplessly. Again Dallon smirks, he broke them. 

"Hey, Sarah. Isn't it a great day?"

"I… guess." She smiles, this time sincerely. 

"Well, I gotta' go. See you later, Sarah… _Bren_." He snickers at the way Brendon's head shoots up, his brown eyes huge and his mouth hanging open. As he walks away he hears the two friends whisper heatedly. 

Today he woke up with the intention to change his life once for all. He doesn't even care about anything anymore. What does it matter if he's going to start some drama, it's only High School, it ends and no one will remember him, so might as well actually enjoy the last months. He stops and stares at the door in front if him. He can do this. He looks at the band practice room, shaking slightly. _He can do this._ He opens the door to the music room and when he enters it, he sees four people look up at him, confused.

"Hi, my name is Dallon Weekes and I'd like to join the music club. I uh, play the bass and sing." He says, not moving. Everyone keeps staring at him and the silence gets uncomfortable. This was such a bad idea.

"Uh, um, okay, Dallon." Says a boy with bright red hair, styled in a mohawk, wearing skinny jeans and a white tank top that says _I want to believe_. "Show us what you got."

"Sure." Dallon walks over to where the string instruments stand and picks out a bass, all eyes on him, but he ignores them, and plays a few chords to make sure it's tuned before he plays one of his own songs. His voice is at first broken and hoarse but he keeps singing, and the four people in front of him look surprised and impressed. When he finishes they clap and he smiles shyly at them. "That was one of my own songs."

"Wow that was quite good. I'm Hayley by the way." Says a blue haired girl he's never seen before, she smiles brightly and offers him her hand so he shakes it. 

And slowly all the people go over to him to introduce themselves. The red haired boy's name is Josh, the two others are Patrick Stump and Mikey Way, Gerard's younger brother. He also plays bass, but way better that Dallon himself. He quite likes this people. Soon they're engaged in a deep conversation about music.

"When I'm older I wanna' play drums in a band." Says Josh with a huge grin.

"I… I actually have a band." Dallon admits and again they all look surprised. "We formed two years ago and play in small bars sometimes. We're called The Brobecks." He says proudly. Then, because his brain hates him so much, he adds. "Brendon Urie once saw us and said that we were great." There's a weird silence.

"Okay." Hayley laughs. "Well, I'm actually about to get signed with my band." She smiles and talks about her band, Paramore. Dallon just sits there, enjoying it.

"Hey, nerds." The door opens again and Brendon walks in with Ryan behind him, as far as he knows Brendon isn't part of the music club, he looks confused at the pair entering the class. "Oh Dallon, what brings you here?" He asks curious.

"He just joined." Josh grins at the tall boy and then looks at the shorter one. "Brendon as good as you are, you're not allowed to be here while we have practice."

"I know, I know." Brendon holds his hands up in defense, eyeing Dallon curiously. "I just came by to drop Ryan." He stands there for a moment before patting his friend's shoulder and heading out. "Bye, nerds." 

 

**~ ~ ~**

 

What the actual fuck is going on? Brendon asks himself as he leaves band practice, first Dallon's approach that morning, in that too short band shirt and black skinny jeans, and now he is joining the music club. He is so confused and has no clue what to think about it. What is the world doing? Is he dreaming? Really, what the fuck is going on, please tell him. A month ago he wanted to ruin that fucker, now Dallon is comfortably breaking up with his girlfriend and abandoning his friends and joining the music nerds. Why is he doing it all of a sudden? And the worst part, Brendon has nothing to do with it, all the plans he made to ruin Dallon Weekes are thrown away in the sand as the boy already does that all by himself. 

He goes to his locker to get his books and pulls out his phone to text Sarah.

 ** _wallon deekes just fucking joined band practice._** He writes and seconds later his phone vibrates.

 ** _WHAT?!?!?!?!?! TELL ME EVERYTHING. E V E R Y T H I N G_** She replies and Brendon smiles slightly as he walks into class, where Sarah sits looking at him, her eyes huge. They still have time before the teacher comes.

"So like, I went to bring Ryan into band practice and Dallon was there and Josh all happily says 'He just joined!', and Dallon looks at me like the smug motherfucker he is."

"Holy shit." Sarah only says, speechless and frowning. "I definitely did _not_ expect that."

"Yeah, me neither."

The teacher walks in and starts class. It is interesting but Brendon finds himself slipping away in thought and going over to one Dallon Weekes. He thinks way too much about that boy, which is probably unhealthy at this point. He needs to do something against it.

 

**~ ~ ~**

 

Dallon doesn't know why but as soon as he leaves band practice Brendon Urie comes straight to him, a determined look on his face and drags him into the bathroom, so now he stands there, cornered by Brendon, who is saying some funny remark but he doesn't quite hear it, he is too focused looking at his lips moving and wow he really wants to kiss him. Which is stupid and mad and he shouldn't do it.

"Shut up!" He cuts off Urie, who looks taken aback and smirks.

"Oh what, did I-"

"Shut up!" He repeats and reaches forward to punch the other boy, but instead he pulls him closer, he swears he wants to punch him, but he collides his lips against Brendon's instead and bites down hard. At first the shorter boy doesn't move, probably too surprised, but soon he gives in and bites back, moving his hands into Dallon's hair to pull at it which makes the taller boy moan. He would feel embarrassed, except that when he licks Brendon's bottom lips this one moans, so now they're even. 

He thinks that this is so much better than punching Urie, this is actually great, and he experimentally moves his hips forward which makes Brendon break the kiss and they look at each other before they kiss again and Dallon spins them around so that the shorter boy's back is against the wall and he moves his hips again, somehow they find a good rhythm. Soon they're both panting heavily, breaking the kiss and just moving their bodies. He catches Brendon's eyes, his pupils blown wide, his cheeks red, his lips swollen, and that's when Dallon snaps out of it. 

"What the fuck." He says and the shorter boy just stares at him in shock, as if he too just realized what they did.

"I-I…" For once Urie is speechless and he rushes past Dallon and out the bathroom door. 

Dallon looks at his reflexion in the mirror, his perfect hair slightly tousled and hanging in his face, his lips are read and swollen, his cheeks are flushed. It is so obvious that he just made out with someone. It's so fucking obvious and he hates it because it was Brendon who he had kissed. He punches the wall next to him and curses loudly, his voice echoing through the empty bathroom. He has class in five minutes, but he feels so not like going because he shares it with Urie.

Dallon is losing his mind and he hates it. Just now they had made out and he is still aching, a rather big part of him wants to go back in time, ten minutes ago, and still make out with Brendon. It is so fucked up but he can't stop thinking about the younger boy, doesn't matter how much he tries. He never felt this need to kiss Breezy or any other girl, it's as if Brendon's lips are made of nicotine and he is the God damn addicted that can't get enough and keeps going back for more and ends up dying from it. 

"Fuck." He states and takes a last look at the mirror before walking away and out of the school's building, he is not going to class feeling like this. 

 

**~ ~ ~**

 

It is Saturday morning and his mother wakes him up telling him to hurry since they have to go to his cousins party. Dallon groans and gets up, heading directly for the shower. He takes his time and as soon as he is done he puts on some plain trousers and a black shirt. He walks into the kitchen craving some coffee but Mrs Weekes just eyes him and sighs. 

"There's no way you're wearing that. Go change." She demands and Dallon does as he is told with a groan. He gets into his room and picks out the cleanest blue jeans he can find and then looks for some white shirt and a tie, after what feels like hours he finally finds it, somewhere in the back of his closet. It was rather funny that he had to look adequate when all they were going was his younger cousin's birthday, she turns five today. 

"Honey, come on, we'll be late." Mrs Weekes rushes her son and he just groans and gets out of his room. "See that looks way better, now let's go." He really hates family meetings and birthdays but if he wouldn't go his mother would get mad at him and he couldn't handle that, specially not with how things were going lately. First he broke up with his perfect girlfriend, then he spent his money on getting a new and better bass. Yes, his parents were definitely unhappy with him. Oh if they knew that he had a small crush on a boy, they'd probably disown him, not that he really cares, only three more months and he is out of this hell hole. 

They arrive at his aunts house after twenty minutes, the ride had been quiet and awkward. Mrs Weekes goes out of the car and hands Dallon the present for Amelie, his cousin, who, talking about the devil, comes running out their house at full speed and goes to hug the tall boy. Amelie's mother is waiting at the door, smiling at her sister and they immediately engage in a conversation. Dallon smiles softly at his cousin, she is probably the only family member he likes. He hands her the present and she smiles hugely.

"Happy Birthday, Amelie. Hope you like it!" His mother and him went shopping yesterday and after a tip form his aunt they got a small purple ukulele that Amelie really wanted. 

She gasps loudly as she opens the present. "I love it!" She hugs her cousin again and Mrs Weekes. "Dal, Dal, will you teach me?" She asks eagerly.  
    
"Yeah, of course." He smiles at her and she lets out a soft _yay_ before running inside to show off her present to her friends. 

The three adults enter the building and walk out into the back garden. There is a huge table with plastic plates and cups, two big chocolate cakes on it. On the right is a smaller table with drinks. Dallon goes straight there and pours himself a coke. He walks around the garden looking around and is amazed by all the decoration, there even is a small stage with an electric guitar on it and an amplifier. He wonders who'll be playing later, he shortly wishes he could but of course it would be weird. He scans the crowd, lot of parents standing in small groups and talking, the kids running around and playing. He spots his cousin playing with two boys and laughing carefree. He smiles fondly but of course it turns into a frown when he sees a guy next to the drinks in back jeans, a white shirt with a colorful vest on top of it. He could recognize those clothes anywhere. Despite himself he walks over and slaps the other boy on the back of his head.

"Ouch." Urie turns around annoyed but frowns when he sees Dallon. "Hm." They stare at each for a while before Brendon opens his mouth again. "Not gonna' lie, I'm surprised to see you here."  
  
"Same. Then again I'm expected to be here, Amelie is my cousin."

"Oh. Well I'm expected to be here too. I'm the guy that's gonna' sing some songs."

"What!?" Dallon looks at him with huge eyes. Since when can Brendon play the guitar and sing. He didn't know this, he's never seen him in band practice except that on time where he dropped Ryan off. "I didn't know."

"Of course you wouldn't. But I'm pretty good so get ready to fall for my awesome voice." He winks and grabs a water bottle before walking away to the stage. What Urie doesn't know is that he is already pretty screwed with anything involving him, so he really doesn't need to listen to Brendon's voice singing. He hopes that he isn't a great singer. 

"Everybody, please gather." Brendon says cheerfully into the mic. "Thank you. So we're all here to celebrate the birthday of Amelie, the cute little girl over there." He points at her and she just giggles, waving at him. "So this song is for you, I want everybody to sing along." Brendon takes his guitar and starts playing, then he sings and even if it is just the usual Happy Birthday song, Dallon is staring at the shorter boy. His voice is really deep and he can get really low but also hit the higher notes, and he makes that one simple and boring song sound like some awesome rock song. He really hates Urie. Slowly everyone sings along and once the song is finished they all clap, Brendon flashes a grin at them and then his brown eyes stop at Dallon's and holds the stare for a few moments before looking at the crowd again. "This next song is one of my own, hope you enjoy it." And off he goes, strumming his guitar skillfully and his voice fills Dallon's ears and brain and he forgets about everything except for the boy in the stage. He is so screwed, but he already knew that. 

Seeing Brendon sing so happily and actually performing his own songs makes Dallon jealous, he really wants that. He thinks about his upcoming show on Saturday, he thinks about the covers that Matt and Scott were thinking to play and he wonders if he should show them one of his own songs. He's been writing it for the past weeks and a few days ago he finished it, it's called Nerve and he is really proud of it. On the other hand, the song is low key about Brendon which annoys him. Of course his bandmates don't have to know that. 

It starts to get dark and it's been long since Brendon had stopped his performance, every now and then he caught himself looking at the other boy and a few times he caught him staring at Dallon, which frustrates him. He doesn't really know what to do and he really wants to leave. He's been talking with some of the parents about his future and stuff, which seems all they have in mind, the future. Dallon lied his ass off, not telling them about what he really has in mind, they don't need to know that neither do they care. It's just some small talk. Suddenly Urie is standing next to him grinning widely.

"Hey, Dal, can you come with me for a sec." He says and of course the taller one nods, excusing himself from the adults. He follows the other boy inside the house and frowns when he enters the bathroom.

"What are you doing?" He asks but Brendon just grabs his wrist and pulls him inside, he smirks as he leans in and turns the the key to lock the door. Dallon's heart beats faster and he looks around nervously. "Um." He says dumbly and the other boy just rolls his eyes before leaning again but this time to kiss him full on the lips. Dallon immediately gives in and closes his eyes, soon after he places one hand in Brendon's hair to tug at it slightly while the other presses him closer. Brendon groans and puts his hands on Dallon's waist and grinds his hips forward which makes them both gasp. 

They stand there for a while, kissing each other, and hands roaming up and down their bodies, Dallon bites down on Brendon's lip and he moans but he doesn't stop there he pushes his tongue inside the shorter boy's mouth and the feeling is really overwhelming. He has never felt the same with Breezy and his first kiss with Brendon can't even compare to this one. The first one had been full of teasing and bitting and hurting, this one is passionate and they both seem to really enjoy it as they both are moving their hips. Suddenly Brendon stops and Dallon makes an annoyed noise and leans back in but the other boy shakes his head amused, he smirks and gets on his knees, Dallon's breath hitches and his heart beats even faster if possible, he curses silently.

"I-I don't think you need to get on your knees for that, you're already really short." He is glad for his brain to come up with such a witty comment. Brendon just gives him a look before opening the taller boy's pants who goes back to stutter curses under his breath. "Fuck, fuck, Brendon." 

 

**~ ~ ~**

   
 

As Brendon cleans himself and Dallon he thinks about what he just did. Ever since Dallon had kissed him in the bathroom after their fight he had the taller boy on his mind all week. And seeing him today at the party just made him replay that one kiss and how he wanted to bite those lips again. And somehow he did, but he isn't sure if he is proud of himself or not. He doesn't know how he feels about Dallon.   
  
"Give me your phone." He says and other boy does as told. Brendon writes in his number and calls himself, then he hands the phone back to Dallon who just looks at him silently. "See you on Monday." He gives him a small wave without looking in those piercing blue eyes and leaves as fast as possible. 

When he is outside he takes a few deep breaths before he runs to his house, his mind spinning and shouting at him, he needs to shut it off. His feet hurt and his head is pounding, his hands into fist with his nails hurting his palms. He doesn't know how much time has passed but when he arrives at the house in front of him he realizes it is not his own, it's Ryan's. He runs up to the door and rings the bell, fidgeting form one foot to the other. He doesn't see Mr Ross' car which means his friend is home alone.  

Ryan opens the door wearing only boxers and an old band shirt, he looks surprised. "Bren?" He raises his eyebrows and steps aside to let his friend inside but Brendon doesn't move he just looks at this boy and as soon as he leans in he already regrets what he is doing. The kiss is short and passionate, way different form kissing Dallon but not bad. When they pull apart, Ryan is breathing heavily, his cheeks pinks and he licks his lips a few times.

"Sorry." Brendon chokes out before turning around and once again running away, this time his tired feet take him to his house. Where he runs inside, ignoring his mother's concerned questions and closes his room's door and starts to scream. 

 


	5. Chapter 4: Words echo through a room full of empty apologies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY THAT IT IS SHORT THE NEXT TWO CHAPTER WILL ALSO BE SHORTER BC REASONS 
> 
> (i didn't want them to be a chapter so i divided them oops)

On Monday he walks to school, he needs to prepare himself and needs time to think. The whole Sunday he avoided Ryan and Sarah's text messages, fooling around with his guitar and doing homework. But he knows that as soon as he enters the building his friends won't leave him alone. He knows he hurt Ryan and he knows that he told Sarah and that she is most likely mad at him. He also got a single text from Dallon but he didn't open it, but it was at the back of his mind and still is. The cars pass him quickly just as his thoughts run fast through his minds. Swirling and making his eyes unfocused, a glazed look on his face. In the distance he sees the school's building and the dread inside of him grows. Fuck. 

He enters with his head low and walks to his locker to pull out his books but stops in his tracks as whispers surround him, he looks up and sees Frank holding hands with Gerard, who is wearing a really cute purple skirt. Brendon smiles to himself as he eyes the couple, they give him a short wave before walking to their lockers. But of course the next to people who walks into school are Ryan and Sarah who both look directly at him and without breaking eye contact walk over to him. Before he can open his mouth Sarah slaps him, Ryan just stares at him with wide eyes.  
  
"I am sorry, okay? I don't know what came over me." He apologizes.

"I don't believe that. You fucking know that Ryan has a crush on you, how could you?" Ryan blushes.

"I'm sorry." 

"Then tell me why."

"I-I can't."

"Yes you can." Sarah looks more furious than Brendon has ever seen her and he deserves this, but he doesn't know how to tell them about what happened on Saturday. He just can't. "Come on, I'm waiting."  
  
"I can't, okay. And less in front of Ryan."

"What the fuck." Says his friend, looking offended. "You fucking kissed me out of nowhere and then run off and now you can't even tell me why. What the fuck, Brendon."

"I… ugh, okay, fine. Remember that party where I had to sing at?"

"The fuck has that to do with anything?" Ryan asks.

"Well the little girl is Weekes' cousin." He says and his friends frown, not knowing how this has anything to do with why they're mad. He sighs before continuing. "Dallon and I made out."

"What?!" Both friends look at him with huge eyes, Ryan's eyes quickly turn dark and he walks off, hurt and angry. "I am sorry, okay. I really am." He shouts but his friend ignores him.

"Bren, oh my God, what did you do?" Sarah looks still surprised, her hand over her mouth.

"I just, I don't know. I don't know why I kissed Ryan."  
    
"But why you kissed Dallon you know?"

"Well… yeah." 

"I…" Sarah doesn't have a clever come back and just stares at her friend. It is their last year of school and everything is becoming a mess. High School is supposed to be be that place you look back to with a fond smile, remembering funny moments, feeling nostalgic, missing your old friends, but this, what is happening right now is just a huge awful mess. "I, wow, I'm going to class." She says before turning around and walking away. 

"Sarah!" Brendon shouts behind her but she just keeps walking, it shouldn't be her who he apologizes too, it should be Ryan, and she knows that he knows, but she also knows that Brendon is scared. 

Everything has gone to shit and it is his own fault, yet he smiles as he remembers Dallon. Damn, he feels himself slipping further away and he doesn't like it. He's never truly been in love but somehow he thinks this is it. The twist in his stomach, the guiltiness, the small smiles. And he isn't sure if he hates it or likes it, but he knows he won't fight it. There's no use, he tried and ended up making a mess, probably ruining his friendship with Ryan. 

He gathers his books and walks to his class, someone bumps into him and he turns around annoyed, ready to tell that person to watch where they're going, but when he sees Dallon he just blushes.

"Hey." He mumbles.

"Hey." The taller one replies and they walk together into class, Sarah is already there, looking at her lap. Brendon feels so bad but doesn't say anything. He sits quietly next to Dallon, who just sends him a confused looks. "Dude, what happened?"

"I… Nothing." He replies looking at his hands on the table, twisting them and ignoring everything. He is going to talk to her during launch, he can't lose their friendship. He imagines a future without Sarah and it scares him so much, and then he thinks of Ryan and his stomach twists and he feels sick. It is amazing how much such a simple thing can change everything. It was just a kiss and yet it meant so much more to Ryan. 

Brendon is restless the first few hours of the day, biting his nails and running his hand through his hair, making it a mess. He had an awful night and probably one of the worst days so far. How could he have been so stupid and just… just kiss Ryan? He truly ruined everything himself. This is not what he had in mind and not what he had planned. How could it go so wrong? 

When the bell rings he rushes outside and into the cafeteria, he looks around for Sarah but he doesn't see her, Ryan isn't there neither, but he won't think about that. He needs to focus on his best friend. Someone taps his shoulder and he turns around to see Frank, a worried expression on his face.

"Hey have you seen Gerard?" He asks, his eyes also scanning the cafeteria.

"Um, no. Have you seen Sarah?"

"No…" He answers and they both stand there, looking around for their friends, both worried and pale. "How about we search for them together?"

"Yeah, let's do that." 

"I saw Ryan though, outside, sitting by himself. It seemed that he was crying." Frank comments not looking at Brendon, who feels his stomach drop.

"Yeah, I imagined." 

"What happened?"

"Things got… complicated, you could say. But I don't wanna' talk about it."

"I understand." Frank replies, then smiles. "You know, I'm really proud of Gee. I couldn't have a better partner."

"Yes, I'm proud of them too." Brendon allows himself to smile at his shorter friend, who grins back. "It must have been scary though."

"Yeah, they were crying yesterday when they came out to me, but I told them that I love them and that it won't change a thing for me." He explains but then his face turns sour. "Peter and Tyler didn't seem to like it and I am scared for Gee. You know how those two can get." 

"Yeah." He swallows, now he really wants to find Gerard too. His head pounding and hurting. It was just too much for him right now. 

They look in every bathroom they know, search empty classrooms but nowhere they can find their friends. Brendon starts to get worried. Where is Sarah? That's when Frank suggests to look outside so they do. When they hear shouting they look at each other scared, Brendon opens the door and stops in his tracks, Frank gasps at the scene in front of them. Ryan and Gerard lie on the floor, beaten up, Tyler and Pete glooming over them, both smiling evilly at the people lying at their feet.

"What, you gonna' turn into a girl too now, Ross?" Tyler snarls. "Oh wait, you already are a girl." He laughs.

"Yeah, why don't you and your faggot friend just kill each other. I can't deal with seeing this kinda awful shit around my school." Pete says and turns around to walk away but stops when he sees Frank and Brendon.

"Iero." He says and walks past them, Tyler following him, a smug smile on his face. 

"Gee!" Frank shouts and runs over to the person lying on the floor, tears in his eyes. "Gee, please wake up."

"I'm…" They open their eyes, looking up and blinking a few times. "Frankie…" 

"Fuck, I'm gonna' get you to the nurse. Hey, get Ryan." He orders and Brendon does he is told, Ryan looks up and tries to get away from him, which hurts Brendon but he grabs his friends waist harder and walks with Frank to the nurse. 

When they get into the room, the nurse rushes to them, a shocked expression on his face, he helps them put the two hurt students on beds and tells them to leave and go straight to the principal. They do as they're told but Frank keeps shooting worried looks over his back. As soon as they reach the principal's office Brendon knocks on the door and hears a muffled voice telling them to come inside. 

"Yes, what do you want?" She asks them curiously, she has never seen them before, which must mean that they're good students, but as soon as she sees their pale faces and the wet cheeks of Frank she tenses. "What happened?"

"Um, um…" Frank days helplessly.

"We were searching for our friends, Gerard Way and Sarah Orzechowski, and then we found Ryan Ross and Gerard outside, they were lying on the ground beaten up. Pete Wentz and Tyler Joseph standing over them and insulting them. We took them to the nurse and he told us to come here." Brendon says without blinking or breathing, his head is still hurting. 

"I uh, I see." The principal replies taken aback. She eyes them both for a short moment. "I'm going to call in Mr Wentz and Mr Joseph to hear their story. Then you two can head home and rest." 

They nod silently and look at the ground while she calls in the two culprits. It all passes in a blur, of course Tyler and Pete are being assholes and even insult the principal. They get detention and she threatens them with expulsion, which makes them shut up. 

Frank and Brendon walk out of the school in silence, both of their minds too busy to even care for each other, going their separated ways home. Brendon takes his bike and drives endlessly, he doesn't go home, he just drives through the city, his eyes on the road but not really seeing anything. 

When he get's home it's already late. His mother questions him and he tells her briefly what happened, she is shocked and hugs him. She tells him to sit on their couch as she makes him dinner, but he refuses to eat. Mrs Urie sighs and hands him calming pills, he just takes them and goes to bed without another word. Dreaming of things that scare him to the point that he wakes up a few times that night. The next morning he stays home, not because he wants to but because his mother tells him to. 

After he showers and makes himself some coffee he texts Sarah asking how Ryan is, her reply comes immediately.  


**_he is fine, i visited him yesterday, but he is not in school_  
  
  
** At that Brendon sighs and feels relieved but he is still anxious.   
**  
**

**_are you still mad at me?  
_** ** _  
  
_** **_i don't know_ ** **  
**

  
He places his phone on the kitchen counter before he finishes his coffee and runs up to his room, he closes the door shut and screams his lungs out. After his voice gets hoarse he lies down on his bed.  
  
The whole next week he keeps a low profile, he sees Sarah every now and then, they share glances but none of them go over to the other and Brendon misses her. On the other hand he spends a lot of time with Dallon which is cool, but he misses his two other friends. Ryan hasn't shown up again, neither has Gerard.

And before he even notices it is Friday. Brendon and Dallon sit in the cafeteria, all by themselves talking about some band, but Brendon's mind shuts when he sees Sarah walking over to them, she has no make up on and she looks tired, dark rings under her eyes.

"Bren, I think you should know that I visited Ryan yesterday and he is a mess. He is taking pills and I-I don't know what is happening to him." She slumps down next to him and he puts an arm around her. Dallon looks at them before he stands up and leaves, his jaw clenched and his expression carefully blank.  
  
"I am so sorry. You know that, right?"  
  
"Yes, I know." Sarah replies and sighs. "And I guess I kinda understand why you did it. Still I am really worried about Ryan."  
  
"I'll... go visit him later."  
  
"No!" She turns her head around with huge eyes. "No, it's better if you don't."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"He is really unstable right now."  
  
"Okay." Brendon repeats carefully, trying not to think too much.

 

 

**~ ~ ~**

 

 

It's Saturday and Dallon is home doing his homework or trying to, his mind going over to Brendon and Sarah, sitting close in the school's cafeteria, neither of them talking, just hugging and looking off into the distance, their faces pale and full of worry for Ryan Ross.

His phone's screen blinks and he looks at it, it's a text from Brendon.

_**wanna' come over later???** _

He knows he shouldn't but he replies with, _ **sure.**_

 

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 5: Death makes everything better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ur welcome for the fluff, everyone thank my friend becca.
> 
> ALSO I AM SORRY OKAY PLS DONT PUNCH ME

Brendon had not intended to invite Dallon over but he did, so now he is sitting in his bedroom, on edge. He has a beer in hand drinking it away as if his mind depends on it, he doesn't know why he is suddenly so nervous. It's just Dallon. But maybe that is why, two month ago the boy meant nothing to him, only a nuisance that he had to deal with in school, now he can't stop thinking about those blue eyes or those lips, which have fueled a lot of his lyrics recently. He groans as he places the empty beer bottle down and runs a hand through his hair. Why on earth had he texted Dallon to come to his house, what was his intention? He doesn't know where he and Dallon stand, yes sure they didn't fight anymore and they made out, but they weren't exactly friends. So when his doorbell rings he jumps up and rushes down, opening the door and looking at the taller boy.

"Hi." He lets out before they're kissing. Put he pulls away. "Let's go to my room." Dallon's eyes widen comically and he laughs, grabbing his hand and pulling him with him. "Do you want pizza?" He asks.

"Yeah, sure." Dallon shrugs behind him.  

"Awesome."

As soon as they're in his room, Brendon orders two pepperoni pizzas. When he hangs up he looks around, avoiding Dallon's eyes at all cost, fuck, what is he doing? The taller boy is inspecting his room, eyes scanning everything and finally landing on the guitar and the keyboard standing in the corner of the room. He turns around and looks at the shorter boy again, the silence getting uncomfortable. Neither of them know what to do. 

"So, wanna' watch a movie?" Brendon suggest and Dallon nods, a small smile across his face.

"You… you do know what pizza and movie really means, right?" He smirks and Brendon blushes.

"Yeah of course, that's why I called you over." He answers with a wink and it is Dallon's turn to blush. 

While they wait for the pizza they talk about music and Brendon even shows him one of his newest songs. Normally Sarah would be the one listening to it first, but he somehow wants to show this one to Dallon, who claps awkwardly afterwards and tells him he has an amazing voice. And Brendon definitely doesn't blush. Then Dallon tells him about his band and how he wants to succeed with them. So he gets his guitar and hands it to the taller boy who fumbles around with it for awhile before he starts some unknown song, soon after joined by his voice. Brendon notices how deep his voice can get, it's really melodic and he finds himself closing his eyes, a soft smile on his lips. Dallon steals glances at the other boy every now and then. 

When he finishes Brendon opens his eyes and they stare at each other, both of them breathing quiet but they're interrupted by the doorbell. Brendon jumps up, tripping over his feet and glancing nervously at Dallon, who blushes madly but smiles back. He runs down the stairs and when he opens the door there stands a young boring pizza girl, she hands him the food and he pays, a huge grin on his face. When he brings the food into his room he puts them on his bed and gets some movies.

"Which one do you want to watch?" He asks.

Dallon shrugs. "I really don't care." He avoids looking at the shorter boy and both know what's eventually going to happen, both of them desiring it but also being scared.

"Okay. How about Star Wars?"

"Yeah, sure. Make this even more of a cliche, thank you." Dallon rolls his eyes but grabs one of the pizzas

They sit in silence watching the movie but not really seeing it, Brendon's shoulder is against the other boy's and he looks over him every now and then, biting his lips. He really, _really_ , wants to kiss Dallon. After another twenty painful minutes, the taller boy places his pizza carefully on the ground and turns around.

"You know, it would be fucking great if you would already kiss me." 

So that's what they do, they kiss, Dallon on top of Brendon and he pulls at the shorter boy's shirt, who lets him take it off, and the taller boy trails kisses down his neck and collarbones. He moans quietly but places his hands on Dallon's waist and moves them up under his shirt. After they've removed each other's clothes they become a panting and moaning mess, trembling and shaking, but enjoying it to the fullest. Brendon never felt better and clings to Dallon on top of him, repeating the boy's name as if it were the only word he knows. In that moment it probably is. Dallon on the other hand has his head buried inside the shorter boy's neck, berthing heavily and murmuring things that no one understand. 

Afterwards they lie next to each other, hugging and smiling brightly. They fall asleep, for the first time neither of them have nightmares or wake up stressed in the middle of the night.  
  
The next morning Brendon wakes up, looking at the boy sleeping next to him, his dark hair a mess falling in his eyes, he pokes his noise and he grunts and opens his eyes slowly. They look at each other before giggling.

"I'm hungry." Dallon says. 

"Me too. Come on, I'll make some pancakes."

"Wow, how cliche." 

"Ha ha. Put on your boxers." Brendon says before he climbs out of bed and slips in some sweatpants. They head into the kitchen, this time Mrs Urie is not there, she probably went outside to meet up with some friends or something, which is probably good. Brendon has no idea how he would explain Dallon, where to even start. He knows his mother won't mind him being with a boy but he doesn't want her to know, just yet. He goes over to the fridge ad takes out some eggs and milk, then he gets the remaining ingredients and starts to work on his world best pancakes, as Sarah would say. A pang of sickness crosses his chest as he remembers what she had told him about Ryan. He shakes his head and looks at Dallon with a smile, who stands awkwardly in the middle of the kitchen.

"Um, I've never though that I'd be here." He laughs.

"Yeah, me neither." 

"Can I help you with something?" He asks getting closer to Brendon. 

"You could make coffee?" He looks at Dallon's bare chest, of course the taller one notices and smirks.

"Okay." He steps away and turns to the coffee machine. Brendon could get used to this and that scares him. A lot.

After breakfast and some sloppy kisses they go back into his room. Dallon sits down on his bed and grabs the guitar, playing some tunes and singing to himself, Brendon just smiles at him. He looks the boy over, from the dark hair spiked in every direction, the blue eyes concentrated on the instrument in his hands, the long fingers wrapped around it, the long legs sprawled along his bed. Fuck, he could really get used to this. 

Brendon's phone then rings, taking him out of his trance. With a glance on the screen he see it's Sarah. "Hey!" He answers cheerfully but frowns as he hears sobs form the other line. "Sarah?" He asks frowning, this was very strange for his best friend. "Sarah what's wrong?" Dallon stops playing the guitar as he must have noticed Brendon's worried tone.

"B-Bren. They… they found a corpse… in the school's parking lot…"

"What?!" Brendon almost drops his phone. "What, Sarah who?"

"It's… God, Bren I can't…" She sobs and he hears her cry painfully, as if she is having a panic attack.

"Sarah breathe." He tells her, already feeling sick.

"G-Gee." She chokes out before the line goes silent. Brendon does drop his phone this time and starts to shake violently, tears forming in his eyes. He chokes and falls on his knees. _Fuck fuck fuck_.  

 

**~ ~ ~**

 

"Brendon, what happened?" Dallon asks unsure.

"Fuck!" He shouts before putting his head into his hands and he starts crying, he feels a soft hand on his shoulder but he shrugs it away. "No, no, no, no, no… Dal, could you please drive me to Sarah's. She… she needs me and I need her." He whispers.

"Of course." Dallon simply says.

The drive to Sarah's house is quiet, every now and then Brendon sobs quietly and Dallon tries really hard not to think too much. He is curious yes, but it seems to be a really big deal and he wants to know but he doesn't want to bother Brendon right in this moment, he'll call him later. When they arrive at the big Orzechowski house he stops the car and Brendon jumps outside and runs to the door opening it and running inside. Not even a good bye or a thank you to Dallon, but he is definitely not bothered or jealous. No he is not. He starts the car again and drives home. Last night rushing through his head and he smiles weakly.

As soon as he arrives at his house, he parks the car and rushes up to his room where he falls onto his bed, he smiles into his pillow despite everything. 

 


	7. Chapter 6: When the world burns their hearts grow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oops sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have nothing planned for the next chapters so itll take a while for them to be uploaded

 

It is amazing how fast the world can change so fast, one day you're smiling up the starry sky with your friends, talking about the bright future, but then something happens, like a meteor falling from the sky and crashing into a house. No one expects it, it just happens, and with that everything changes. It can happen to anyone and anytime. It is the constant stress that humans deal with, pushing it away, buying it away, consuming it away. 

And that's what happens to Brendon, one moment he is with Dallon, the next he hears how his friend was murdered. All looks the same but it is not, it never is, but somehow only now he notices how the trees have grown more and get yellow leaves, that one house at the corner of his street is painted blue now. He never noticed, but now that everything so obviously changed, he sees it. He sees everything.  

Contrary to every Hollywood movie it is a sunny day, really warm for April, some girls are already wearing short shorts, boys showing off their arms in their t-shirts. Of course Brendon wears his usual clothes, at this point they are part of his character, though today he wears a black bow tie. He isn't quite over what happened, because other than most of the students, he had been actually close to the person who died. Brendon had known the kid for years and had even jammed with them every now and then. As he enters the school's building he sees their boyfriend, Frank Iero, and he goes over to him. Mikey Way is next to him, his face pale, his eyes red from crying. Kristin is next to her boyfriend, hugging him from behind, her chin resting on Mikey's shoulder. They're both silent as Brendon approaches them. Frank gives him a weak smile, he goes in for a hug and the way Frank's hands turn to fists he knows that the boy is way more unstable than his pale and quiet self gives away. Brendon has no clue what to say, he never lost someone so close to him, but he can imagine that he must be a lot of pain and he so wishes things hadn't escalated to this point. He will probably never get over this. A part of him blames himself. If he hadn't tried to play with Dallon maybe this hadn't happened. Maybe if hadn't told the principal that the culprits of Ryan and Gerard being beaten up were Tyler and Pete, then maybe Gee would be still alive. 

"Hey Bren." Sarah stands there, awkwardly looking at the mourning figures, Brendon slowly let's go of Frank and gives him a sad look and a pat on his shoulder. "We need to get to class." He nods and follows her to whatever class they have.

That day the one's that were close to Gerard Way were excused to not assist any class if they chose to. But of course Brendon has to go to his damn Maths class. He feels like shouting and throwing up and crying, but he holds it all in. He is mad, oh so mad. It is still unclear who killed Gerard, but it is kind of obvious that it must have been someone form school who clearly is against transgender people. It had been two weeks since Gerard had come out as genderfluid and now they were dead. They had looked great in that dress and the make up, and of course Frank told them so and was proud of his partner, but now they were dead. Killed by some monstrous teenagers on the school's parking lot on Friday. The worst part is that they found their corpse on Saturday evening. It makes Brendon sick to his stomach. Gee didn't deserve any of this, they deserved to live a long life, and yet it was cut short so fast. 

His thoughts go over to Dallon, with whom he has some sort of secret affair right now. Sarah doesn't know anything about it, and he sin't even sure if he is going to tell her. How would she take it? Wold she tell Ryan? Probably not since the boy has been isolated from everyone for two weeks now. It scares both Sarah and Brendon. Mr Ross won't let anyone see his son, he tells them that he is still unstable and that the pills aren't helping and that he has no clue what to do. 

When the bell rings, Brendon looks up startled. Sarah motions him to follow her outside and as he does so he feels a tense air in the hallway, everyone is whispering and there seems to be fear hanging over everyone. 

"Brendon Urie and Sarah Orzechowski, please report to the principal's office." Comes a cracked voice through the speakers and the two friends look at each other confused as they walk to where they were called to. When they arrive they see Ryan sitting on a chair, looking really pale and skinny as if he hasn't eaten well. He is crying into his hands, but before they can even ask anything the principal ask them inside. What is going on?

"You are both good friends with Ryan Ross, right?" She asks and they nod. "Tell me about him." She asks them with a soft but tired smile. 

"Well, um, uh…" Sarah starts unsure. "He is one of our closest friends and even if he might seem like shy sometimes he is a really great guy. Um…"

"Yeah. Though he has had a hard time in school. With all the bullying. But he always fought back."

"Hmm, was he friends with Gerard Way?"

"Yeah, yeah he was." Brendon answers, feeling sick as the mention of Gerard's name. 

"Was there ever a fight between them?"

"No, not that we know off." Brendon replies again, frowning. Part of him knows where this is going but he refuses to believe this.

"Has Ryan ever shown signs of aggression towards anyone?"

"No!" Sarah says indignantly, probably sensing too where the principal is going.

"Sorry. I know this might be hard for you guys." She says softly. "It's just… Ryan has come to me this morning to confess that he killed Gerard. But then he started crying and gave no more explanations." 

To say Brendon and Sarah are shocked was an understatement. 

"Oh Ryan…" Sarah chokes and tears fall out of her eyes. Brendon himself also feels tears streaming down his face, but he is too stunned to say anything, his brain is screaming RYAN KILLED GERARD RYAN KILLED GERARD RYAN KILLED GERARD. He wishes he could just go home and drown himself in alcohol or something or take pain killers and just sleep for eternity. This is just too much for him right now. 

"I am _so_ sorry." The principal says. "I think it is best if you go home now." 

They stand up and walk away, Ryan eyes them shortly before burying his head in his hands again, sobbing loudly. 

 

**~ ~ ~**

 

Dallon is minding his own business, fooling around on his bass in the band practice room. He is trying to get his mind off of what happened but it sin't really working. Suddenly the door flies open and he looks up surprised and sees Josh run in, his eyes red as if he had been crying. He frowns and is about to ask what happened, but the drummer beats him to it. 

"Have you heard? Ryan Ross was the one to stab Gerard Way!" He tells and everyone in the room looks up at him, some gasping. He can see Mikey sob loudly and cry into Kristin's shoulder who pats him, trying not to cry. Hayley puts her hands on her mouth looking shocked and turning to her friend to whisper quietly to her, Dallon catches stuff like _'But he always was such a good guy'_ and _'He and Gee were friends, how?'_. Frank stands up to leave the room, a serious expression on his face, no tears seen, as if he had cried his eyes dry. 

The first thing Dallon thinks about though is _Brendon_ and how he needs to see him. "I uh, I gotta' go. Bye, Josh." He gets up and practically runs out of the music room. He doesn't slow down as he runs out of the school building and reaches his car, he pulls out his keys and sits inside, turning his hands into fists and breathing rapidly. He takes out his phone and dials Brendon's number but of course he doesn't pick up. Dallon tries to calm himself down and when he is in control he starts the car and drives to Sarah's house, he knows the two friends are always together when something awful happens. 

He arrives and gets out of his car, walking nervously to the Orzechowski house, he rings the bell and his greeted by Sarah herself, looking like a wreck. Her face is paler than usual and her make up ruined, tears still running out of her eyes. She still manages to look surprised by his figure.

"Bren's not here." Her voice is hoarse and empty of any emotion. 

"Oh." Dallon says but doesn't move, they stare at each other and before he can't even think what he is doing he hugs her small frame and she puts her hands on his back pulling tight, her hands into fists. She starts crying loudly and he let's her, feeling himself close to tears too. All the stress from the past months, the murder, his relationship with Brendon, all of it was crashing on him and he let's out a quiet sob before tears run down his cheeks. 

They stand there, crying and embracing each other in the middle of the hallway, the door still open. But they don't care, right now nothing matters. 

 

**~ ~ ~**

 

Brendon lies silently in his room, his eyes open and looking at the ceiling, his body still as quiet water. His eyes burn from all the crying, no more tears come out, his breathing is slow. His mind is finally blank but it doesn't make him feel better. He had taken three pain killers to calm himself down and now he is feeling numb and slightly sick. His mother tried to talk to him a few times but he didn't open his door, he didn't want to talk to anyone. After him and Sarah left school she drove him to his home, they hugged shortly before she left. Usually they would stay together in a situation like this but right now they preferred to be alone, both mourning in their own way. He knows Dallon has come to look for him, his mother told him so, but he can't see him right now, not in this condition. His phone has been ringing constantly and a few times he was close to pick up and tell Dallon to come over to keep his mind off things but he knows it's wrong. 

As if on cue his phone rings again, but it's another ringtone, Ryan's. Brendon looks to his night table and grabs the phone, picking up immediately.

"Ryan." He whispers, too loud for his room and his numb mind.

"Brendon." His friend replies, his voice hoarse. "I'm going into therapy tomorrow." He says sounding somehow relieved, but Brendon feels his head spinning. "Bren, please let me in." 

Ryan is knocking at Brendon's window and for the first time in hours he moves, his limbs feeling heavy, but he unlocks the window, his friend crawling inside. They look at each other, Ryan is pale, eyes rimmed red, his hair a mess, but if Brendon is honest he looks more beautiful than ever, and so he leans in and kisses his friend, who melts into the kiss. The two boys stand close, their hands running up and down their bodies, clinging to each other, while their lips are locked sliding against each other in perfect harmony. It is so different form kissing Dallon, with whom it's always a bit aggressive, this is just sadness and desperation. 

Ryan tugs at Brendon's shirt and he raises his arms so he can take it off, he looks at him and passes a hand over his smooth skin as if it is the answer to everything, he mutters something under his breath that sounds a lot like ' _You're so perfect, Bren, so perfect. I am so sorry.'_ Brendon tries not to think about it and to distract himself he tugs at his friend's shirt and is shocked to see how skinny and bony he looks, but he doesn't say anything about it, just continues to kiss him, wandering down to his neck and collarbones, Ryan moans quietly.

Brendon is still lying on the bed with his phone in hand, completely worn out, but Ryan is putting back on his clothes, swinging slightly. He goes to the window without a word and leaves. 

 ** _i just slept with ryan_** , ****he texts Sarah and he knows she will understand, but still he feels awful, an unknown sickness rises in his stomach and he crawls to the bathroom to throw up. He feels so bad and guilty and wishes for the world to stop for a few days.

 ** _wanna' come over_** , comes her reply after a few minutes. 

Brendon smiles weakly as he gets dressed and packs a bag with some fresh clothes, he heads out quietly to not wake up his parents and leaves his house. He takes his bike and drives to his best friend's house. He knows she won't ask any questions, they'll just snuggle up together in her bed and sleep. Both of them probably feeling equally numb and empty. 

And indeed, when he arrives at her house, she is at the door in pajama and waiting for him, she looks tired. They hug shortly before heading into her room, they lie down on her big bed.

"Dallon came over earlier, looking for you." She says in a whisper.

"Really?" Brendon is surprised.

"Yes. He uh… hugged me. It was nice."

"Hm." He only says, his eyes heavy, his mind screaming. They fall into a violent but comfortable silence and slowly fall asleep.

They wake up the next morning, it is late, and they have school, but Mrs Orzechowski must have heard what happened and decided to let them sleep and skip school that day. They're both eternally grateful for it. They have no idea how to face school without Ryan. Walking down those halls remembering every happy memory and then remember the fact that Ryan killed Gerard. They will remember Ryan's broken face, the voice of the principal as she told them who the murder was, Brendon will remember the night they had spent together. They will always remember this. And it makes them sick. 

They lie in Sarah's bed, looking at each other, both of them still tired, probably they had the same haunting dreams, their eyes dull and red. They are so young but right now they look so much older, that's what pains make, it ages them. Brendon knows it's a mistake but they're empty, they need something to hold on, so when Sarah leans in he closes his eyes and kisses her softly. He places a hand on her cheek and caresses her softly, noticing that she started to cry again. He himself feels like crying but his eyes are dry and his heart is numb.

They're young teenagers, they're supposed to make mistakes, but lately it feels like every step they take is a mistake, they have no idea how to fix things or if they'll ever be able to fix anything. They're hands are made out of sand, everything slips away and buries itself underneath. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just noticed my titles could be fob or p!atd titles lmao


	8. Chapter 7: The end of every fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idfk I DONT KNOW LITERALLY I D O NO T K N O W

**Around 2 months later**

 

Dallon sits in his classroom, listening closely to the teacher, his mind focused 100% on the subject, he has one week left before finals and then graduating High School. He can't believe that finally the time has come to leave this hell hole. Specially with everything that has happened ever since that fateful day that he met one Brendon Urie after his concert. He slowly glances to his side, where Brendon sits alone. He looks paler than the last time they were together and way skinnier. Dallon is worried of course, but his pride keeps him from going over to the shorter boy and ask him about what the fuck is wrong with him. The last time they had been together was the night they had slept together, the day that Gerard Way's corpse was found, the day that Ryan Ross admitted to have murdered his friend (it is still unclear why), the day that Brendon and Sarah had slept together. Dallon was so fed up after that, he had thought that him and Urie had something special but of course he was just some stupid toy to the shorter boy. Dallon hates to admit that he was hurt (and still is), he really came to care for Brendon, if even he fell in love with him. But after Brendon confessed to him what happened between him and Sarah, crying and apologizing, Dallon was angry and didn't speak to him again, not that the shorter boy tried to engage conversation with him. They ignored each other. Dallon is alone now, well he sometimes hangs out with the band practice kids, Josh is pretty nice. But it just isn't the same after Hayley left to go on tour, Mikey dropped because he couldn't handle his brother's death, and Frank Iero simply disappeared. No one knows where he is or if he still is even alive.  

He shakes his head, no, he is supposed to focus on the subject, not let his thoughts wander away. His mind does that enough whenever he goes to sleep. He gets nightmares every night with what happened in the last months. But he is going to focus on himself, on High School, and afterwards on The Brobecks. He had played another show with them in the same place Brendon walked over to him, this time they played original songs. Turns out Matt and Scott love Dallon's own songs and they themselves come up with great lyrics. Though that time, when they went outside to meet up with their fans, no Brendon Urie came over with a smug smile. Instead Dallon hooked up with some boy that had brown hair hanging messily in his face and wore thick, black rimmed glasses. Dallon refuses to admit that he had looked like Urie. Though his mind screams at him every time he so much crosses path with the shorter boy, it tells him to go over and take that boy back into his life, but he won't. 

"Hey, Dal, will you come tomorrow to the study group thing with Alex, Jack, and a few other guys." Josh tells him as they exit the class.

"Yeah, sure. Cool." He replies and walks to his locker, putting his books inside, he is done for the day which is good because he is exhausted. He slams his locker door shut and presses his forehead against the cold material, breathing in and out. He closes his eyes for a few seconds, the voices around him getting louder but he doesn't really catch anything. They're just a calming murmur. 

"Um, uh, Dallon?" A female voice comes from next to him, he turns his head and opens his eyes, Sarah stands there.

"Hey." He says unsure.

"Josh told me that you're coming to the study group?"

"Well, yeah, why?"

"I was going but Brendon will be there too." She bites her bottom lip and looks at him apologetic.

"Oh." Dallon simply says, shifting away from his locker and running a hand through his hair. " _Oh._ " He repeats.

"Yeah. So I thought, to avoid any type of awkwardness, why don't we study somewhere else?"

"Uh." He looks at her and realizes how much she has changed, she too looks thinner and paler. She also doesn't wear any make up. It seems that that one fateful day consumed her too. Just as it consumed Brendon. And Dallon himself. Of course he has noticed that her and Brendon don't talk anymore, but he wouldn't have expected her to approach him. "Yeah, that would be cool." He replies, realizing that he has been staring at her. She smiles tiredly at him.

"Great. Here's my number." She takes out a paper from her notebook and scribbles down some digits. 

"Thanks." He takes it and puts it into his jeans pockets.

"So, uh, how are you?" She asks then. 

"I don't really know. You?"

"Yeah, not so good." Sarah replies and looks around, avoiding his eyes. Dallon just nods and looks at her small frame. She is wearing shorts and a tank top, her shoulder bones way to visible and her collarbones peaking out. That's when he realizes how important Brendon is to her and how wrong it was from him to be jealous of them. 

"Have you ever thought of talking to him?" He asks and her head shoots up.

"I… I…" She looks down and bites her lips, her hair falls in front of her face. Dallon knows she is holding back tears. Fuck. 

"Hey, it's okay." He places a hand on her shoulder and brings her close to his chest, then he turns around to walk out of the school's building, too many people are there. When he is outside he brings her to his car. "Hey, Sarah, um, breathe." He tells her, remembering that one day. She does as he tells her, but tears are still in her eyes as she looks up to him. 

"Um." 

"It's okay. Do you want me to drive you home?" He asks and she nods. She probably has her own car parked somewhere but she is no condition to drive. So Dallon unlocks his car and Sarah climbs inside, her hands folded in her lap. He sits in the driver seat and starts the car. 

"Can I turn on the radio?" She asks and Dallon just nods, understanding her. Music is one of the greets distractions.

After a few minutes though, Sarah turns off the radio, almost as if the song playing had burned her. Dallon glances over at her but doesn't say anything, he isn't sure at what terms they are right now. 

She notices though. "It's just, Bren always used to sing that song." 

_Oh._

 

 

**~ ~ ~**

 

 

When Brendon walks outside to get to his bike he sees Dallon in the distance, a girl by his side. At first he thinks it's Breezy and that maybe they're back together, not that he would care of course, but when she looks up he realizes with a shock that it is Sarah, she looks as if she had been crying. He tries not to kick his bike as she climbs inside of Dallon's car. What the fuck? 

He furiously rides to his home, fast and ignoring the few shouts people give him. He ignores them all. There he is ignoring both Sarah and Dallon because he knows that he only will hurt them, because everything he does ends up destroyed, and what do they do, they become friends. It makes him mad. He wants to talk to his best friend so bad, but he just can't, he has no idea what to say, how to apologize. The guiltiness towards Dallon doesn't disappear and the regret of that one night with Sarah eats him away. Of course she regrets it too, he knows it, but they way she had put it was way more subtle, Brendon himself was more forward and ended up making his friend cry and slam her door right in his face. He just wishes he could turn time back. On the other hand he kind of misses Dallon. He has no clue why but in that short amount of time the tall boy had grown close to him. And the sex had been amazing. But that's just a side note, he really enjoyed talking to Dallon and listening to him sing. 

As soon as Brendon arrives at his home he throws his bike into the garage and gets inside, tears burning in his eyes already. Lately he is crying way to much and of course his mother notices that. She also notices the lack of Sarah but she never says a word. She just hugs him whoever he has a panic attack, she supports him the best she can. But even as a mother there is point where you can't help no more. Brendon rushes up the stairs and gets into his room, falling onto his bed and burying his head into his pillow to sob.

Aside from missing Dallon and Sarah, he also misses Ryan. The night they had spent still makes him sick, but he misses his old friend. The one to make sassy remarks at everything, who plays the guitar even though he knows shit about it, who sings Beatles' songs constantly. But the only thing Brendon has in his head is the broken and pale boy that had left his window. The bags under Ryan's eyes, the hollow cheeks. That awfully broken and sad person.  

He hates everything so much. And he doesn't know how long he will endure it. He himself has become a hollow and tired figure. Whenever he looks into the mirror he doesn't recognize himself. Sure, he still wears the same clothes, the glasses are the same, but… His eyes look empty all the time, they're a dull brown color that disgusts him. His face is thin and way to pale, his hair hanging down, greasy and ugly. He hates all of it. He can't look at himself anymore. 

At some point someone shakes his shoulder and he opens his eyes, feeling relieved, he blinks focusing on his room, it is dark and his mother is standing in front of him, a worried expression on her face. She sits down on his bed.

"Honey, you were screaming." She says and runs a hand through her son's hair.

"Sorry."

"No, don't apologize. But… if you ever need to talk I am here, you know. Whatever happened between you and Sarah you can tell me."

"I know, mom." Brendon replies but doesn't say anything else, just lies on his bed, looking at his ceiling. Mrs Urie sighs and walks out of his room, leaving him alone. He doesn't want her to be worried about him, he can handle it himself. He _can_. And yet he grabs his phone and looks through his contacts until he reaches Sarah's number. He looks at it, thinking about his next step, what he should do and what not. 

In the end he doesn't text or call her, he just falls asleep again, with his phone in his hand. He dreams of blue eyes haunting him, he dreams of soft skin under his hands, he dreams of a small girl punching him in his shoulder laughing loudly, he dreams of a dead body. He wakes up in the middle of the nigh, as he always does and he knows he won't be able to fall asleep again. His phone is still in his hand. When he looks at the screen to see what time it is, 4.26 am, he sees he has a text message from Dallon. He frowns before he opens it. 

 ** _she needs you._** , it only says and Brendon swallows hard. He doesn't know what he had expected but definitely not this. Anything but this. He feels so unsure as what to do. He really wants Sarah back in his life, without her he is slipping away. And of course he has noticed that she isn't doing good as well. But he is oh so scared. He is always running away form everything, letting it consume him silently, never facing his problems. Maybe it is time to do that. After all he only has next week left of school before he has his finals and then he graduates. He had Sarah had planned to move some day in mid summer to Chicago into a small apartment, and Sarah would start to apply at different places to gain some money while she figures out what to do next, Brendon would work on his music even more, playing in smaller bars and work himself up. They had everything planned but now when Brendon looks into the future he sees nothing. Maybe it is really time to face it and talk to Sarah.

He doesn't reply to Dallon, but he keeps the phone close to his chest as he closes his eyes again. He falls asleep a few times, but it is the endless sensation of tripping and it makes him jump awake a few times. And when the sun starts to rise, shinning though his window, he still feels sleepy and so tired. He knows he told Josh that he was going to the study group thing today, but he really doesn't want to see anyone.

He just wants to be alone. Or with Sarah.

Or Dallon. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	9. Chapter 8: Does it destroy them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had to rush writing this because SOMEONE (BECCA) was stressing me out
> 
> ALSO IM GONNA POST IT NOW BUT I WILL PROOF READ IT LATER SO SORRY IF THERE ARE ANY MISTAKES

"Honey I know you are done with your finals and I'm sure you passed them, but now that summer starts I don't want you to slip away. _That's_ why I got you this appointment at the psychologist. " Mrs Urie says, looking at her son, who is currently sipping his coffee, the bags under his eyes purple from lack of sleep, and his cheekbones so noticeable. It scares her so much. "You only have to go one time, okay? But please go." She insists. Brendon doesn't reply, but she knows he heard her. "Well, I'm off to work then. See you tonight, sweetie." She kisses his forehead and rushes out. Being with her son is tiring her so much lately and she knows that he knows, but yet he just doesn't seem to care for anything anymore. The truth is, she isn't going to work, she is going over to a café to talk to Sarah's mother. Their kids need to sort things out, whatever it is that happened it is destroying them.

As soon as his mother leaves, Brendon places his almost full coffee mug on the table and glances around the kitchen, his eyes fall on the old clock, it's 10.14 am. Too early to deal with shit but going back to sleep is a struggle for him lately. He has nightmares about an empty and white future, it scares him so much. So he doesn't sleep anymore or takes pills his doctor recommended him. But he doesn't want to take them every night. Taking pills scares him, too. He'd smoke weed, since it makes him sleepy, but his only connection was Ryan. And Ryan is not there anymore. Ryan… is gone. Mr Ross moved about a week after Ryan was send to some psychiatrist far away from their town. The thought makes Brendon sick. God, he feels like throwing up all the time, which leads to him to not eat. It's been almost three days since he graduated high school and on Friday they have the graduation party, where he is supposed to go, take pictures with friends, enjoy the band playing (which he has no clue who plays this year, he didn't listen, not that he really matters). Sarah and him had plans for the graduation party, he remembers how they wanted to match somehow. They had thought that Sarah should wear a dark purple dress and a white handbag, and Brendon would go all black with a purple bow tie and a white vest. Of course all of that has gone to shit now, he doesn't even know what he is supposed to wear. Probably only the black suit. Which would suit his mood. He smiles fleetly, wow he has come to be so _emo_. 

He sighs and takes his mug to the sink to pour it away, then he cleans it and puts it back into its place. Usually he'd be glad to have free time but now it's a curse. He doesn't know what to do and his thoughts go to places he'd rather have them not go since it's awful and his mind whispers him to do things he really wants not to do. Lately Brendon feels like a mine field, everything could make him go off and blow away, turning into dust. He leans against the kitchen counter, ticking his fingers on it, it doesn't calm him down but he needs to do something. He eyes the phone on the wall in front of him. Before he knows what he is doing he reaches it and dials in a number. He waits a few minutes before someone answers.  
 

"Hello?" Comes a female voice. Brendon doesn't say anything yet, he just breathes, biting his nails. "Hello?" Repeats the voice.

"Um yes, hello." He replies and he hears the person on the other side let out a harsh breath.

"Brendon…?"

"Sarah." He really missed her voice. "Sarah, I am so sorry. I… I'm _sorry_." 

"Bren, I…"

"No, Sarah, listen, I fucked up so bad and I am so sorry, and I just want you back, and Ryan and… and Dallon. And if I could turn back time I would and I just feel so sick all the time. I can't even eat or sleep anymore. I miss you so much. And I am so sorry. I always fuck up everything and I really want to make things right again. I don't know how to deal with things so I make mistakes. And yes, sleeping with you was a mistake but only because it hurt us both to the point that we became sick and just… I saw you at school every day, Sarah. And you, you look so broken. _And I am sorry_." There's silence but Brendon can hear his friend sob, like she is trying to hold back her tears. He waits and his heart beats faster.

"B-Bren." She sounds broken. "Brendon, I am sorry too. God, I miss you every day… Please come over. My mom is not here." Then she laughs, it sounds relieved. "I just want some good old movie watching and eating greasy pizza."

"Yeah." Brendon breathes out and hears himself laugh. "Yeah, I'll come over in a sec."

 

 

**~ ~ ~**

 

 

Dallon is glad high school is over, he can't believe he is out of there. It feels so surreal. It's been four days and tomorrow he has to show up one last time to play at the graduation party. He is actually proud that he could convince the principal to let his band play. He showed her a demo and she gave him her approval, as long as they played acceptable songs with no cursing in them. On the other hand, he is happy because he passed all his classes, though he has these nightmares where he failed them and has to repeat his last year. It makes him wake up stressed out and sweating. 

He looks around the street and keeps walking, his head down, eyes trained on the floor, the sun is too bright even if it is so early in the morning. He got a call late at night form Sarah, which surprised him a bit. Yeah sure, they met up the last week before the finals to study and came to know each other. They talked a lot and he has to admit he likes her, she is great and he understands why Brendon loves her so much. Yet, he was surprised for her to calm him and invite him over to her house. He thought that they only had hang out to study and that was it, but apparently now they're friends. Sort of. It's okay though, he needs friends. Apart from his band members he is alone and it doesn't do any good to him. So when he arrives at Sarah's house he rings the doorbell, feeling nervous. He almost falls down when Brendon fucking Urie opens the door, his hair disheveled, looking sleepy, and only eating boxers. Dallon notices that he is way skinnier, his collarbones and rips visible. Brendon blinks a few times, yawning, but chokes when he realizes who is standing in front of him.  
  


"Uh, uh, um, I, uh." He stutters and closes the door shut. Dallon is not surprised by this. Well, he didn't expect to see Brendon but if the positions would have been reversed he'd probably also close the door. He shrugs and rings again. He should walk away and not care, but he cares for Brendon and he wants to see him and talk to him so bad.

The door opens again, this time it's Sarah, Brendon is behind her. He looks shocked. "Hey, Dallon. Come in. We're making breakfast. You hungry?" She asks and he nods. When he walks past the short boy he can't stop himself from checking him out. Then all three of them walk into the kitchen.

"I'm… gonna' get a shirt." Brendon excuses himself and rushes out, almost tripping.

"Why is _he_ here?"

"Dallon…" Sarah massages her head before looking at him. "Brendon and I talked yesterday, for a really long time. And… I think it is important if you two make things right."

"I don't even care for him anymore." He lies and he knows that she knows.  

Sarah laughs. "Yeah of course and he doesn't care for you. Listen, just talk, okay? You don't need to be _friends_ again." She makes a funny face as she says 'friends' but Dallon ignores it. "Fix things." She waves her hands around in the air before looking away and turning to the fridge to get some eggs.

"Hell yeah!" Brendon comes back into the kitchen, wearing now a shirt, it has an old faded band logo on it. It is slightly too small for the boy and it hugs his body perfectly and Dallon hates it, but he avoids looking at the other boy too much. 

"So, what are you doing?" He asks instead, looking pointedly at Sarah.  

"I'm making my world famous scrabbled eggs. Bren loves them and I'm sure you too." She smiles briefly to herself and cracks one egg open. "Hey, Dal, could you make some coffee?" She asks pointing somewhere in the kitchen, not looking away from the eggs in the pan.

"Yeah sure." He replies and takes three mugs from the board and heads over to make some coffee. Out of the corner of his eye he notices Brendon looking gloomily at them, as if someone told him something offending, but Dallon doesn't dwell too much on it. He doesn't care. Not at all.

"Ugh." He hears the other boy mutter but he doesn't say anything. "Ugh!" He repeats a but louder and Dallon turns around slowly, only to have Brendon looking at him with an annoyed expression. Sarah eyes them shortly before going back to cook, a smirk on her face.

"What?" He asks carefully, avoiding the shorter boy's eyes.

"What?" Brendon crosses his arms and leans against the wall, a confident smirk on his face. Dallon just rolls his eyes and goes back to make coffee. He stops though as he notices someone behind him, he doesn't need to turn around to know who it is.

"What?" He repeats again, he has no idea how to handle this conversation or the other boy.

"What." 

"For fuck's sake." Sarah goes over to them and hits them both on the back of their heads before heading out, in her hand she has a plate with some eggs and toast. "I going to my fucking room. Don't even bother to come." 

"Uh." Brendon now looks awkward, shifting from one foot to the other in front of the taller boy.

"Not so confident anymore, huh?" Dallon smiles at him and hands him a mug. "Any way, what do you want?"

"To be honest, I have no idea." He replies. 

"Great." 

"Hm." 

"Yeah." This conversation is going great, he thinks to himself.

"Yeah." Brendon sips his coffee and Dallon takes him in, form the long legs to the boxers he is wearing, the small shirt, slightly riding up showing a bit of skin, the collarbones peaking out under it, the dark hair a mess, those lips just… He leans in and kisses him, it's brief and they're merely touching but Dallon really missed this. "So."

"Just... shut up." He takes the mug away and places it on the counter to get closer to the other boy and kisses him again, his hand cupping Brendon's cheek. 

 

 

**~ ~ ~**

 

 

As Brendon leaves Sarah's house that night, he can't fight off the smile on his face. He feels better than ever. He has fixed things with both Sarah and Dallon. But of course he thinks of Ryan and he just can't help the sadness to overcome him. Fuck. Still, when he gets home and his mother looks at him with a questioning look, he just smiles at her and tells her that everything is fixed.   
  


"That's great, sweetie." Mrs Urie hugs him before he heads up into his room.   
  


When he lies down on his bed he smiles to himself again, he can't fight it and he feels so relieved. His phone vibrates and he looks at it, he sees an unknown number and frowns slightly before opening. He can see two pictures, the first one is of him and Dallon, standing close together at that one costume party many months ago, he doesn't know who took it and he doesn't know why the fuck someone would send him this, the next one though makes him drop his phone. What the fuck? He has to calm his breathing before he takes his phone again and looks at the picture properly. It is form a window view, as if someone spied form a far distance and zoomed in. There are two people standing close, a girl in her underwear and a slightly taller boy wearing boxers and a shirt. 

The two people are unmistakably Brendon and Sarah, standing in her room. And he remembers what happened before that. And sickness fills his stomach.

Who the fuck took those picture and who the fuck send him these and why the fuck would they do that? 

Fuck, Brendon has no clue what to think and he feels like part of him spiraling down, as if he were on a roller coaster and he has to throw up but he is still in for a long ride. Then his phone vibrates again and it is a text message from the unknown number.  
  


**_i fucking hate you so much._ **

 

 

 

 

 


	10. Chapter 9: Do you believe in love at first sight?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my friends wanted me to add some fluff (or else they'd kill me) so here we go. Hope you enjoy this :')

It's too early in the morning and he is tired, but he can't stop moving around in his bed, wriggling around in the sheets, thinking of the anonymous text messenger, he also can't stop thinking about Dallon. His head is full of pictures, sometimes they turn white and he only sees a flash of a smile or a hand, other times he sees this mix of things, he calls it death because it gives him anxiety. It's like this mass of limbs and he hears mean laughter. It stresses him out and he opens his eyes with shock. 

He stares up his ceiling, the images still in front of him but faded away, he hears the laughter and the screams, but he can't make out why. Just as he can't make out what he sees. It's as if he peeks through a door but can't quite tell _what_ he sees. It bothers him so much so he decides to get up and make himself some coffee. It's only 7am but he doesn't want to go back to sleep if it's going to stress him. That's not what sleep is there for, it should calm you. He grabs his phone and goes down quietly. When he is in the kitchen he heads over to the coffee machine and puts his favorite mug under it.  

Dallon had told him to come over to his house around 10am because he wanted to show him something and of course Brendon agreed, now that they're back on good terms he is not going to miss a possibility to hang out with him. Yesterday after him and Dallon had kissed they went back to Sarah's room and as she saw them she smiled at them. They ended up sitting on her bed and talking about different things like music, what they want to do once summer is over, the graduation party and how cool it is that The Brobecks were playing. It was just as if the good old times were back except that now Ryan was Dallon. Which now that Brendon thinks about it is so wrong, Dallon could never replace his old friend and yet it was as if yesterday they forgot about Ryan completely and just enjoyed themselves. It had felt great to just talk and laugh but now that he thinks about it he feels wrong. 

He slumps down on the kitchen table with the warm mug in his hands, he looks at the gray wall in front of him, his thoughts going back and forth from yesterday to they days where it was just him, Sarah, and Ryan. Carefully he sips his coffee and thinks about the graduation night, in the end Sarah and him were going to match and Dallon said he would wear an all black suit, which would probably look great on him. He remembers how Ryan had said that he wanted to wear this really horrible vest with flowers on it and his usual red head band. He smiles at the thought. 

He sighs and continues to sip his coffee, being up early and thinking is not good for him. At some point he makes himself another cup of coffee and makes some pancakes. He needs to eat, he himself has noticed how skinny and worn out he looks. It disgusts him to no end and he knows how worried his mother is. But the last weeks he really couldn't eat but now that he somehow fixed things he has appetite again. Of course there's still Ryan and that anonymous person that texted him, but he feels himself feeling better despite it. 

At around 10 o'clock he goes into his room to change into some jeans and puts on a plain shirt with orange and blue stripes on it. He takes his guitar too, he wrote this song and he really wants to show Dallon, after all he wrote it thinking about him. Then he goes out and grabs his bike to head over to the other boy's house. All the way there he thinks about how things are going to be. Will it be awkward or will they talk and laugh. What is it that Dallon has to show him? 

 

 

**~ ~ ~**

 

 

He is pacing around in his living room, running his hand occasionally through his hair. He feels stressed but at the same time he has these butterflies at the pit of his stomach and he is excited to see Brendon. His parents are out to work and he has been up all night thinking about today's show at school, at some point he fell asleep though. And for the first time in a long time he slept well. After waking up he took a shower and made himself look decent for his visit, not that he has a date. Him and Brendon aren't even dating, but still he had felt the need to look good, to impress the shorter boy. 

He almost trips over his feet when the doorbell rings. He straightens his shirt and heads over to the door, waiting a few seconds before opening it. He doesn't want to seem to eager or that he waited for his arrival. Brendon stands there, a guitar case in his hand, wearing the most simple clothes but to Dallon he looks beautiful… Wait no, that's so cheesy. He groans mentally and smiles at the other boy, who smiles back.

"Hey."

"Hello." They stand awkwardly. "Aren't you going to let me in?"

"Um, yes of course. Sorry." He wants to punch himself, this is so stupid. 

"So what did you want to show me?" Brendon asks with a smirk as they head up into his room. Dallon blushes slightly as he takes his bass and motions the other boy to sit down. 

"You know that my band is going to play at the graduation party tonight?" Brendon nods. "Okay so I thought of playing this song but I'm not sure." Dallon looks at the other boy and tries to calm down his racing heart. 

"Okay show me that song of yours." Brendon flops down on his bed, his legs crossed and looking expectantly at the taller boy who clutches the bass firmly in his hands. 

He wrote this song short after him and Brendon slept together and he is sure the other boy will realize it's about him but he tries not to feel too embarrassed. He looks down and starts to play the intro, he is quite proud of himself. Of course the song would sound better if there'd be a guitar accompanying it. He clears his throat before he starts to sing.

" _Could this be love at first sight,_ " He avoids looking at Brendon, his eyes cast down on his fingers gracing the strings on the guitar. " _or should I walk on by? You're photogenically dressed, the conversation begins._ " He remembers when he first met Brendon, when they were both still young and excited about starting high school. He remembers how he had no friends there and then he saw this boy with messy hair and ugly red glasses, he was grinning hugely at this beautiful girl with dark hair. They both walked down the hall way, the boy was only wearing ripped skinny jeans and a sweater, nothing special, yet he looked as if he owned the place. And judging by the boy next to him who looked at him as if he were the stars maybe it was true. Dallon had hated him ever since that moment. " _Oh God, now what did I say? Let me start over again._ " He remembers how him and Brendon had shared their first class together, they even were sitting next to each other, but of course the shorter boy was busy with his female friend, whispering and laughing quietly. Oh, how Dallon had hated him back then, being all alone. " _Could this be love at first sight, oh wait I said that before. I need a place for the night, happy to sleep on the floor, but don't go out of your way and I won't talk anymore._ " Dallon remembers the first time he had walked past Brendon, shoving him into a wall and saying _faggot_ loud enough for everyone to hear, he remembers the laughter and how Tyler had came over to him to introduce himself. His thoughts go to the fateful day that Brendon had come over to him to ask him what his problem was and why he was always insulting him. " _Turn the lights off, I'm in love… Wouldn't you like to, wouldn't you like to kiss her?_ " He had just laughed at Brendon telling him to fuck off and that he should never speak to Dallon again because he was a no one. Just some ugly gay kid and of course Brendon had laughed at that, loudly and patting Dallon's back before walking away.

When he finishes the song, he breathes in before looking up to meet the most beautiful brown eyes he has ever seen. They look at each other for a long while, eyes moving around their faces as if they're taking in every little detail there is. As if they're seeing each other for the first time. Dallon thinks his song is really accurate, it is like love at first sight. As he looks Brendon over, from the brown hair to the glasses and the shinning eyes behind them, the parted, full lips. The little stubble on his chin, his Adam apple and his collar bones. He knows he is in love with this boy. 

"So um…" Dallon starts shy, looking directly into Brendon's eyes. "What do you think?" 

"Don't play it."

"What?" He feels his stomach drop and looks away, playing with his fingers. Oh.

"No, I mean. I um, I don't want anyone to hear this song. Please?" Brendon moves his hand to cover Dallon's. "I… I really like this song, but please don't play it tonight." 

"Okay…"

"Good." Again they stare at each other, the tension thick but it is not at all uncomfortable.

"I also have a song I want to play you. I've been writing it for a while." He turns around to open the guitar case and takes out the instrument, playing a few chords and tuning it. 

"Okay." Dallon places his bass down and looks up expectantly. 

He takes a deep breath before he starts to sing. " _When the world gets too heavy put it on my back. I'll be your levy, you are taking me apart like bad glue on a get well card._ " He starts to sing and Dallon looks at him, to the way his fingers move over the instrument to the way his mouth moves. " _It was always you falling for me now there's always time calling for me. I'm the blinking light at the end of the road, blink back to let me know._ " He notices that the other boy has his eyes closed and with every word that comes out it feels as if he truly means it. When Brendon sings he seems to feel it through his body, in every bone, with every single part. 

As he sings out the last lyrics he opens his eyes and looks at Dallon, who is at a loss for words, so instead he reaches forward and kisses him. It's a short and sweet kiss.

 

 

**~ ~ ~**

 

 

He looks at himself in the mirror, eyeing his black suit, he looks good. His hair is styled up, his cheek bones visible and his blue eyes shinning. But he is so nervous. He is going to play in front of his whole school. Matt comes from behind him and looks himself over in the large mirror too, their eyes meet and he smiles at him. Dallon smiles back but it doesn't quite come out. 

He hears the Dj play some modern pop music that's quite catchy but in ten minutes it is turn for his band, The Brobecks, to play. Scott comes in and looks at them. All three of them hug, whispering encouragement to each other and when they part the principal announces them. The crowd outside goes quiet and they walk outside. Dallon can feel everyone staring at him and wondering _what the hell_ but he just smiles at them and introduces himself, Scott and Matt do the same. Then they start and half through the first song the crowd goes crazy, dancing and singing along. They agreed that first they'd cover some songs and at the end they'd play one of their own songs. They said that they'd play Better Than Me, which is a song Dallon is really proud of and it's catchy so he is sure everyone will like it. He had played it to Sarah and Brendon before and they said it was awesome. 

He looks around the crowd and spots his two friends, Brendon is passionately singing along while Sarah is grinning and dancing. Dallon finds himself smiling fondly as he looks at them. He would have never thought that he'd end up caring for them so much. If someone would have told him that by the end of the school year he'd fallen in love with Brendon Urie and become good friends with Sarah Orzechowski he would have punched them square in their face. But here he is, singing with his band in front of his school, feeling excited and proud. And he can't wait to finish and dance with Brendon. He knows now that he is in love with that boy. He has no clue when it happened or why or how. But there he is singing his soul out while looking at one Brendon Urie, who looks back at him, a huge grin on his face. His hair is already a mess and he isn't wearing his glasses, which makes his brown eyes more visible. Dallon can see from where he is standing on the stage that those beautiful brown eyes are shinning with happiness and excitement. 

 

**~ ~ ~**

 

"Dude, you guys _rocked_!" Brendon shouts over the music to the members of The Brobecks. All three of them beam at him and thank him. Dallon even hugs him shortly and Brendon enjoys it, being held by the taller boy. He shakes his head with a smile and looks up into those blue eyes. What happens next he did not expect, Dallon leans down and kisses him. He is frozen at first but then he kisses back. It's short and sweet but it feels so important. This is Dallon openly telling the world that he likes boys too, that he likes Brendon. And it makes his head spin and his knees weak. When they pull apart, the taller boy smiles at him, Scott and Matt just laugh and say that they're going to get some drinks, Sarah is choking on her drink. She knows that something was going between them but she definitely did not expect them to show it so openly. She smiles though, warmly at them. 

"Hey, let's dance!" Dallon shouts and Brendon nods eagerly, he turns around to tell Sarah, who just raises her eyebrows and shakes her head. They dance for God knows how long, flirting with each other and teasing. But they feel so happy and free.  

After an hour or so they go get drinks and find Sarah sitting alone, sipping a coke and looking kind of sad. She smiles as she sees them.

"Hey, you two." 

"Are you alright?" Brendon sits down next to her as Dallon pours him some lemonade.

"Um, yes, yes. Just you know, I wish I had someone to dance too."

"Huh, but you're Sarah Orzechowski. People throw themselves at you!" Brendon comments happily and doesn't notice the change in his friend's face.

"No, Bren, not anymore. Ever since… _Ryan_ , people don't talk to me anymore. They… they think I'm insane or something. These last months I've been alone."

"What?!" Brendon turns around to her and sees the sadness in her eyes. He thinks back to when they were not talking and remembers that he always saw her alone. How could he have missed that? He supposes he didn't notice because he himself had also been alone. "I am so sorry, Sarah." 

"No, it's fine." She laughs bitterly. "Soon we will be moving to Chicago and start a new life. Besides I got you and Dallon now, don't I?" 

"Yes, but still, I am sorry."

"I am too, Bren." There's a silence and they look at each other before hugging tightly. "Hey, I love this song. Come on, let's dance." She stands up and drags him with her, Dallon follows them and hands Brendon a cup full of lemonade, he thanks him and they start to dance awkwardly to some pop song. 

After a while his phone vibrates in his trousers' pocket and he takes it out to look at it, he freezes as he sees from who the text message is. _Ryan_. He opens it because he can't help himself.

 

**_please come outside._ **

 

Brendon knows he should not go outside and meet the other boy but he feels so guilty and curious. So he excuses himself from Sarah and Dallon and motions that he is going outside, they nod confused but continue to dance to the Dj. He fights through the dancing masses of teenagers, he finally reaches the door and stumbles outside. He looks around but only sees couples making out or kids waiting for their parents to pick them up. He walks over to the school's parking lot and that's when he sees a solitary person, leaning against an old car. He recognizes that posture immediately. He gets closer and looks at his old friend. Ryan is wearing a suit, he looks skinny though and his face his pale and tired, even when he smiles shyly at him. Brendon stands in front of him and sees that he is smoking a cigarette. 

"Hey." Ryan says and takes a long drag before he throws the butt on the floor and steps on it. "How are you?"

"What are you doing here?"

"I want to dance with you." He smiles, but his eyes are dull.

"Ryan…"

"No, listen, Bren. I'm doing good." It's a lie and they both know it. Ryan looks like shit. "Please, I… I only have this night. They gave me free because I begged them that I could go to the graduation." He explains and he looks so desperate.

"Ry… I, I don't know." 

"Please, Brendon?" He gets closer and places one hand on his shoulder. And Brendon has a hard time to say no or not to think too much. This is his old best friend and even if he looks so different, it's still Ryan Ross. 

"Fine." He mumbles and puts one hand on his friend's shoulder. "Fine." He repeats and Ryan smiles brightly. They start to swing to an imaginary music. Ryan has both of his hands on Brendon's neck, he strokes it carefully which sends chills down his back. Part of him wants to run away back to Sarah and Dallon, but he doesn't know how this would affect his old friend. Ryan looks so fragile and Brendon has to remember that this is the boy that killed Gerard.  

They swing and spin for a long while, the whole time looking at each other in silence. None of them smiling and Brendon has the feeling that they're both not enjoying it, which is weird. Ryan was the one to propose it and he agreed. Suddenly the other boy freezes and looks somewhere in the direction of the school, he lets go of Brendon's neck and looks angry. 

"Bren, what are you doing?" Dallon's voice comes and he turns around to face the taller boy. "Ryan?!" His blue eyes widen as he sees the other boy, he looks shocked and gets closer to them, placing a hand on Brendon's shoulder.

"Bren?" Ryan mumbles. "Bren?!" He repeats louder. "Since when does this asshole call you that?" He points menacing at Dallon. "What the fuck, Brendon?"

"Ry."  

"No, shut up. You have become such an awful human being. Sleeping with everyone except for me."

"Ryan, what are you talking about?" 

"I mean yes we had sex, but it's not the same. You looked so guilty, as if having sex with me would be a bad thing. But of course you throw yourself at everyone else." He is rumbling, stumping his feet against the car he was leaning against before. His eyes look wild and he is fumbling around with his hands. "We know each other for so long and yet you rejected me all the time. Like, are you kidding me? Am I that disgusting? Do I disgust you, Bren?" He looks up.

"No, Ryan, listen…" Brendon tries to get closer to his friend but Ryan just slaps him. 

"I fucking hate you so much. You ruined me and you're going to pay for it. You fucked everything up." He points at Dallon who still looks shocked. Then his finger moves to point at Brendon. "And you, you fucking made me hate myself so much. Everyday I wondered why you don't love me. I tried my hardest and yet you teased me and laughed about it. And then you… you _kissed_ me out of nowhere." He turns his hands into fists. "And everyone laughs at me for being girly. Is that why you don't like me? Because I look like a girl? I can change you know. I, I can…" He stumbles slightly and tears form in his eyes. "But I hate you. You ruined me." He falls down on his knees, shaking violently. "And then they pressured me into killing myself. His friends." He looks at Dallon with hate. "They're the worst and yet you loved him. You didn't just have _sex_ with him. You loved him!" He shouts the last part and punches the floor. Brendon knees down too and puts a hand on his friend's shoulder.

"Ryan, please calm down."

"I am calm! I'm not… I'm not crazy. I hate you!" He punches Brendon straight in his face, who falls back on the cold pavement, his lip bleeding and hurting. 

"Brendon!" Dallon shouts and gets closer to him to help him stand. "What the fuck, Ross?"

"Shut up!" 

"Dallon? Brendon?" Someone calls out, and the three of them turn around to see Sarah approach them. Her hair is loose now, hanging on her shoulders. She looks worried as she takes in Brendon's bloody mouth. When she sees who punched her friend she goes pale.

"Ryan." She whispers and looks at him as if she is seeing a ghost. Which might even be the case, their friend is not this boy standing in front of them. Ryan is just a ghost in their memory, the boy they loved died the day he killed Gerard. The person standing there now, looking like Ryan is just a shell of the person he used to be.

"Shut up, you fucking slut!" He goes forward to punch her too, but Dallon grabs his fist and pushes him away. "You!" He looks angrily at the tall boy. But then he turns to Brendon. "You even loved her. But not me. Why not me? Why not me… Why not…" Again he falls to his knees and buries his head into his hands. "Me. Why not me." He repeats, sobbing.  

"I'm going to call the police." Whispers Sarah, tears in her eyes, as she takes out her phone from her purse. Her hands are shaking violently. She dials a number and walks away. Brendon can hear her muffled voice and with the help of Dallon he stands up. His head is rushing and he can't really focus on anything. He feels so horrible and worn out and broken. He looks at Ryan with a pang of hatred and sadness. 

"Bren, come on." Dallon puts an arm around his shoulder and drags him away, Ryan doesn't notice, he just kneels on the floor moving back and forth, still muttering things. 

 

 

~ ~ ~ 

 

 

They're sitting in the police station, silent and still shaken. Someone gave Brendon some ice for his mouth. Sarah is staring off into the distance, her cheeks still wet, Brendon on the other hand is staring on the floor, his body still, breathing carefully even. Dallon himself has no idea what to think or how to feel. Ryan wasn't close to him and he never liked the kid, but he knows how much Sarah and Brendon loved him so this must really be something for them. On the other hand, Ryan's words don't leave his mind. Did Brendon and him really…? He knows it's selfish to think about that right in this moment but he can't help it. He feels jealous and horrible.   
 

"You kids can go home now." Comes the voice of the nice officer, she smiles at them sadly. She had interrogated them before and Dallon had been the one to tell the story since the other two were too shocked up about it. 

"Thank you." Dallon thanks her and grabs Brendon's hand without thinking to drag him outside, Sarah is walking in front of them. She looks around helplessly and he reaches down to take her hand too. He walks back to the school where his car is parked. The walk there is long and silent, occasionally Sarah sobs or Brendon sighs, but that's all coming from them. Dallon feels like screaming and running away, this is stressing him out. This night was supposed to be perfect and great, instead now it is ruined. He is afraid that maybe now his relationship with Brendon is going to be ruined again. He really hopes not. Things were going so good between them lately.

Finally they reach the school's parking lot, it is almost empty. Dallon walks across the abandoned field until he gets to his father's car. He opens it and lets his two friends climb inside. He starts the car and drives first to Sarah's house, the car ride, just as everything else, is also spent in complete silence. The air thick with tension and sadness. The girl hops off the car and mumbles a weak thank you before rushing inside her house, Mrs Orzechowski is already there waiting for her daughter, she embrace her tightly and gives Dallon a short wave. He drives off again to Brendon's house. It only takes him about ten minutes. He parks the car and turns to the shorter boy.

"So, I um, I guess I'll see you?" He says unsure. 

"Dallon." Brendon whispers and turns towards him. "Dallon, I am so incredibly sorry for everything you had to face when we became friends or whatever. I'm… I'm no good." He opens the door and gets out. 

"No, Bren, wait!" Dallon gets out to and follows the other boy. "Hey." He grabs his wrist to stop him and Brendon does but he doesn't turn around, he just stands there.

"Please don't, I'm going to ruin you. Like I ruin everything." His voice is broken, as if he is holding back tears.

"No. That's not true. In fact… You, um. I- I love you." Dallon whispers and he is shocked. Brendon turns around now and looks at him with huge eyes. 

Brendon leans in though to kiss him sweetly but as he pulls away he looks at him sadly. "Sorry." He whispers before heading inside his house. Dallon looks at the door falling shut and walks slowly back to his car.

He drives for hours before he finally gets home. His mind is a mess. 

 

 

**~ ~ ~**

 

 

Brendon is lying in his bed, his mind tormented. He hugs himself and stares at the thick darkness around him.

"I love you, too." He whisper to himself repeatedly. 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also the songs that brendon and dallon sing to each other are not mine. The first one is Love at first sight by The Brobecks, the second one is Always by Panic! At the disco! Check them out they're great.


	11. Chapter 10: Will you forget them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so yeah idk man

 

It's been four days since the graduation party, since he confessed his love to Brendon, since the thing with Ryan happened. And Dallon feels he is back to square one. Brendon is ignoring his text messages and calls, he even went over to his house but Mrs Urie just told him that her son was in no condition to see anyone. Then he went over to Sarah's, who told him that the other boy was a mess right now and that she had no clue how to fix him again. It seemed as if the universe is telling Dallon to let go oh him but it is so hard. It feels as if whenever they get close something ruins it, that something being Ryan Ross. He hates that boy even more now, which makes him feel awful but he can't help it.

It is Tuesday and he sits in his room, looking around the mess. He has been packing and throwing things away. Originally he had planned to go away some day at the end of July but considering everything he decides to move away earlier. Scott and Matt found a small apartment in Las Vegas with three rooms and told Dallon he should come as soon as possible. They too have summer vacation from college now and it is the perfect chance for him to move and get settled in the big city. To write new songs and get themselves known around. 

He had a big discussion with his parents and they told him they would not support him but he couldn't care less, he saved enough money for a few months. Scott had told him that it was easy to get a job in Las Vegas so Dallon knows that he will survive without his parents money. He is scared of moving away into a big city and leaving the comfort of his parents house but then again he really wants to go away. Now there really isn't anything holding him back. Besides, Las Vegas is the perfect place to start out with his band and get to be big.  

He made plans with his band mates to pick him up on Wednesday around 11am, so he has one day left to pack everything now and say his goodbyes. Not that he really has anyone to say good bye to. His parents don't talk to him anymore, Brendon ignores him, and he already told Sarah and she wished him good luck. It had been nice hanging around with her the day before. Just walking around their small town, talking and pretending that everything was good and not so fucked up. If he is honest, he will miss her. Even though they only got close about a month ago, he really came to like her and enjoy her company. He understands why Brendon likes her so much. Dallon even agreed to keep in touch with her and tell her about The Brobecks. She jokingly told him that if they ever come to Chicago to keep her seat in the front row. But he doesn't know how serious all of this is. He doesn't know how his future will be tomorrow or in one week. So he doesn't know if him and Sarah will actually keep in contact, though he would like to. He tells himself it is _not_ because she can keep him updated on Brendon. No, definitely not. 

He goes back to packing his stuff, he fishes out his old band shirt, he remembers the day he wore it to school and Brendon's huge eyes, scanning his body. Dallon sighs as he throws it into the trash bag. It is too small for him anyway. And just like that he ends up throwing away so many clothes and other things. At some point he feels hungry and heads downstairs, he sees his parents siting together and eating in silence and he feels a pang of anger inside of him. They didn't even warn him that dinner was ready. Is this how it's going to be now? That they ignore him? Pretend he is already gone? 

"Fine." He whispers to himself and walks into the kitchen without a word. He gets some bread and makes himself sandwiches. When he is done he heads up into his room again and sits on his bed. He eats in silence, trying not to let his thoughts swirl around. He doesn't even taste the food, he just swallows it. Everything feels so numb. 

Suddenly his phones beeps and he looks down annoyed, it's a text from Josh. He hasn't talked to him for about a week so he is surprised. He picks it up and looks at the screen. Josh tells him about some party he is throwing with some band kids and other people from school, but Dallon declines. He scrolls through his messages and sees Brendon's name. He ponders for a moment, he shouldn't, then again, tomorrow he is leaving, it doesn't matter. So he calls the other boy. He is already prepared to hear the mailbox.

"Heeeey!" Comes Brendon's voice, it's loud and slightly slurred. He can hear music and laughter in the background. "Dally, hey!"

"Uh, Brendon? Where are you?"

"You know Josh? Yeah you know him. Of course you do." He laughs loudly. "Yeah, so he is throwing a party and it's awesome. You should come."

"No, listen, I can't. I'm leaving tomorrow."

"What, where?" He asks, his voice suddenly serious. The noises get quieter and Dallon assumes he went outside or something. "Where?" He repeats.

"Um, Las Vegas." 

"What?!" 

"Yeah."

"But, why?"

"Nothing here matters anymore and um you know, to get started with the band and um…" He trails off and he hears Brendon scoff.

" _Nothing here matters anymore_." The other boy mocks, there's no slur in his voice anymore.

"Bren, listen." 

"Nah, it's okay. I'm leaving soon, too. With Sarah. To Chicago."

"I know, she told me."

"Oh." There's an uncomfortable silence and Dallon decides that this was indeed a bad idea. He shouldn't have called Brendon.

"Listen, what I said. You remember?" He starts with a whisper but before Brendon can reply he continues. "I… I meant it." Then he hangs up and takes a deep breath. He is fucked, so fucked. But he is moving tomorrow and that's good. That's really good. Yes. 

Dallon lies down on his bed, he puts his hands in his eyes and presses down hard. He is _not_ going to cry. Specially not because of Brendon. And yet he feels his chest getting tight, his throat too, and he can't breathe anymore so he starts to sob. He throws his phone away somewhere to the end of the bed and turns his head to the side. He cries everything out that he has been holding in for the last days, weeks, months. He feels like he needed this, it's relieving but it also hurts. 

He really fell in love with the other boy.

 

**~ ~ ~**

 

Brendon is mad. But he isn't quite sure why exactly he is so mad right now. He has a reason, yes, but not to be _this_ mad. He feels like he wants to fight someone or drown himself in huge amounts of alcohol. Instead he walks inside the house again where the party is still going strong. He searches for Josh, who had offered him earlier some weed but he declined it because it made him remembers those times where he had been high as fuck with Ryan, now though he really needs some. So he walks through the masses of people, he sees his friends, or well, people gets along with, dancing and just getting shit faced. All of them happy to be done with high school and having a long summer in front of them. All of them seem so sure of what they want to do. But Brendon can't really share that happiness, he wishes he could but he can't. He sees Sarah talking to Spencer, one of Ryan's closest friends, they seem to argue, and normally he'd rush over and see what is going on but right now he needs to find Josh.

Finally he sees the boy, he is talking to a beautiful girl with long blue hair, she is a freshman as far as he knows. She joined the band club that year. She is called Ashley or something, he knows that she is good from what everyone told him. And seems that Josh has a thing for her. He feels kinda bad as he interrupts them. 

"Hey um, Josh. Sorry." He looks at them both. Ashley smiles at him hugely.

"Hey, Brendon. What do you want?" Josh asks and looks at the girl for a moment, winking at her. She just rolls her eyes and gets herself another beer. 

"You still got some weed?"

"Hell yeah I do." He laughs and reaches inside his pocket to retrieve a small plastic bag. Brendon opens his right hand and Josh places some of the drug on his hand, carefully to not spill anything. Then the red headed boy gets a paper from his other pocket and a filter, he hands both of them to Brendon. "Have fun!" He laughs and turns around to continue talking with Ashley. "Oh, oops." He takes out a lighter and hands it to him. "Almost forgot that." He laughs again. 

"Thanks." Brendon walks away, he knows that smoking outside could be dangerous since someone might see him, so he heads upstairs into Josh's room. He has only ever been once here but he remembers where to go. 

As soon as he reaches the door he opens it and goes inside. He sits down on the desk chair and rolls the joint. His fingers aren't as sure as Ryan's are with this but when he is done it still looks pretty decent. He reaches for the lighter and takes a deep hit. He holds his breath before he exhales slowly, watching the smoke twirl in the darkness. The music from downstairs is now just a numb thumping and he can't really make out what song is playing, he doesn't care though. He prefers this kind of silence that is surrounding him. He takes another drag and leans back in the chair, closing his eyes and thinking of Dallon. 

So he is going to Las Vegas. He shouldn't care but he does. He actually cares a lot. And he is mad that Sarah didn't tell him. But he kinda gets why, him and Dallon are nothing, just some guys that fucked a few times. Yet, for him it was more. Way more. He knows that along the time he fell for the tall boy. He isn't quite sure why but he did. He shouldn't care at all, he himself is moving to Chicago soon and he is going to live with Sarah, he will make music. Everything as planned. Well… except that Ryan is not joining them. But he doesn't care anymore for him. He knows now that those pictures sent to him were from his old friend. And that incident on the graduation night was the last straw. He hates Ryan, or at least he tries. It is hard to hate someone that was your friend for so many years and that you cared for a lot. Yet he tries not to think too much about him and about everything he did. He never imagined high school to end so fucked up. He thought it was going to be a happy ending but now he understands they're not real, they're just an illusion people come up with because it's easier than the reality. Happiness isn't something present or lasting. Happiness are moments. Memories. 

Brendon closes his eyes and takes another drag, he knows it's hitting him since his head starts to spin and he feels detached form his body, his mind floating through space. He loves feeling like this, it's quite pleasing. Weed makes him feel invincible and far away. Which is exactly what he needs right now. He runs his hand through his hair, slowly, he feels his hair tingling against his fingers and it makes him giggle slightly. It is so weird, he repeats the movement a few times, enjoying the feeling. He takes another drag and inhales deeply before letting go, the smoke surrounding him. He likes the smell of burned weed, it calms him down. He opens his eyes and feels a bit dizzy but the good type of dizzy, he smiles to himself and looks around the darkness. He doesn't recognize anything, just weird shapes that partly scare him but also fascinate him. He reaches out his hand and swings it around in front of him. Again he giggles to himself.  

The door opens then and someone walks in, Brendon turns his head around slowly and squints in the darkness. He doesn't recognize who it is.

"Hey, Bren." Says a female voice softly. Sarah.

"Want some?" He asks and offers her his joint.

"No, I'm actually going home. Wanna' come?" She asks.

"Hmm, no, I think I'll stay for a while." He laughs.

"Okay. Well, see you tomorrow."

"Yeah. Bye." 

"Bye." Sarah walks out again, closing the door slowly. 

It hits him that he really loves her and he is so glad that they're friends again. And thinking about it, when they slept together, it isn't so bad anymore. It happened, they were both hurt and broken and needed distraction so they had sex. No big deal. 

"No big deal." He whispers to himself and takes one last and long drag form his joint before he gets up and goes to the bathroom. 

He throws what's left of the cigar into the toilet and flushes it. He turns around to leave the bathroom and go back to Josh's room but he catches his eyes in the mirror. His pupils are blown and there are bags under his eyes. His skin is pale and looks broken. His hair is a mess, falling flat on his forehead. He sighs before he gets out, but he doesn't go into the bedroom he was in before, instead he walks downstairs where the party is still going strong. He walks out though and looks up the sky. The air is warm and the stars are twinkling.  

He walks down the road, swinging slightly, he is still drunk and high but he feels okay. He _is_ okay. He definitely doesn't long for someone's hand to hold right now, walking there in the darkness and laughing and talking about anything at all. He does not want to be with Dallon right now, shoulders close and bumping into each other as they're both high on life. He doesn't need anyone. He is fine by his own. 

But who is he kidding. He gets his phone out and scrolls down the contact until he reaches Dallon's. He stares at it before he texts him. It's just four words and he knows he shouldn't, it's unfair towards the other boy. But Dallon is leaving tomorrow to Las Vegas and starts a new episode in his life and soon he'll forget about Brendon, so it is important that he texts these words. He doesn't want to be forgotten. He doesn't want Dallon to look back and think that this was nothing. 

 

**_i love you too_ **

 

He means it. And it's probably stupid to get so worked up about some boy. They're young and in a few years they'll meet someone and truly fall in love but still, Brendon likes to believe that it was something a bit more special. The kind of first love you don't forget and look back to with a fond smile… Except that no, he could never look back to this with a fond smile. Everything is fucked up. Everything went to shit the day he decided to get involved with Dallon. Yet he wants to remember it. 

 

**~ ~ ~**

 

 

Dallon walks down the stairs slowly, taking in every detail in his house. His old house. He wonders if in ten years it'll look the same. If he will remember everything in it. He shrugs his backpack to adjust it on his shoulder, then he gets his suitcase and bass and walks outside. His parents are gone to work already. He told them goodbye yesterday but they just gave him the cold shoulder. It hurts him but he pretends it doesn't. It's easier that way.

He walks outside and sees Matt and Scott there, waiting next to their car. Matt is smoking a cigarette. They smile as they see him, he smiles back. When he reaches the car he opens the door and throws his bag inside, then he goes to the back of the vehicle and opens it to put his suitcase inside. He doesn't take much with him. He places his bass carefully inside the back of the car and gets inside himself.

"Let's go then!" Scott says with a grin and starts to drive, he puts on the radio and music fills the air. His two bandmates start to talk excitedly but Dallon can't take part in the conversation. He feels so detached. 

He looks outside the window, at the houses that he knows so well, the streets he grew up in. He sees people he doesn't know and starts to wonder if they ever left their home to come here or if they were always there. He wonders how long he will feel homesick or if we will always miss some part of this place. Will he miss it at all? What will he miss of it? Clearly he won't miss his house or the city but there must be something to miss. If there weren't he wouldn't feel so nostalgic right now. His chest is tight and can feel his heart beat speed up. He knows what this is but he tries to keep breathing evenly and balls his hands, his nails digging into the palm of his hands. It hurts but he needs it to calm down. 

" _All we do is drive_

_All we do is think about the feelings that we hide_

_All we do is sit in silence waiting for a sign_

_Sick and full of pride_

_All we do is drive_ "

He lets the music fill his brain and keeps staring outside until everything turns into a blur that he can't recognize.

He thinks about Brendon's last text. 

 

**_i love you too_ **

 

 


	12. Oops.

Due to the fact that I'm one lazy motherfucker and I totally forgot about this fic and started like 10 other ones and just like have no time to focus on this. I'm gonna end this fic. I know it's sad. I am very sorry.

I'd like to thank Jesus for guiding me. Pepe the frog for showing me who I truly am. And my meme squad (imu, beccu, saruh) for being brallon as fuck. 

**The original ending was supposed to be Brendon having his big show and it being a huge fucking success. Then he goes out to meet fans and as he is signing some CD's and posing for selfie with fans, Dallon walks up to him. Like the first scene when Brendon walks up to Dallon.**

Yes very cheesy and cute and shit. But I'm too lazy to write it. So you gotta accept the sad ending. Tho bear in mind that I had planned to end this well. 

Ok yes thank you everyone for the nice comments and kudos and actually reading this bullshit lmao.

 

May Jesus the Lord bless y'all.

 

I'm out.

 

Bye. 


End file.
